75f: Lily Tomlin
A Message From President Ford
President Gerald Ford.....Chevy Chase
[ open on image of "The Unofficial Seal, United States of America" ]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.
[ dissolve to President Ford sitting at his desk; glass of water, and red and black phones sit atop his desk ]
[ SUPER: "This is not a good impression of Gerald Ford" ]
[ SUPER: "But Rich Little won't work for scale" ]
President Gerald Ford: My fellow Americans.. I've called upon the networks tonight to make two pressing issues clear to the American public. [ sneezes into his tie ] #1: The possible default of New york City.. and #1: My stand on the Ronald Reagan announcement. [ red phone rings; Ford picks up the glass of water, splashing water all over his suit ] Hello! [ red phone keeps ringing ] Hello?! Hello, Nessen! I can't hear you! What, are you in the pool? [ red phone still ringing ] Uh, I guess the other phone's ringing, I don't know. Alright. [ hangs up glass, allowing the red phone to continue ringing ]
Firstly, the default of New York City. Let me be clear on my feelings about this. As President, I will change my mind wherever I want. [ finally answers red phone ] Hello. Hotline. Anwar, uh.. just a second.. I'm on the air right now, I'll get you Kissinger, alright? [ picks up black phone, dials Kissinger ] Hank? Can you call to talk to Sadat for a minute? Thank you. [ holds the two phones to one another, then drops them on the desk ]
The point is: Do I really know what the issue is? Relevent? Irrelevent? Fault? Default? These are just hard words. [ black phone starts buzzing; Ford picks up black headset ] Yes, Hank? Alright, I'll talk to Anwar. Alright, alright.. [ hangs up black headset on red phone, then answers red headset ] Anwar! Hello? [ jiggles with hang-up button ] Hello?! [ hangs up red headset on black phone ] The Bayall Bill before the House of Representatives does not.. address.. the current situation! And I would veto it! The current situation being that, the longer I hold out on New York, the better chances I have with those conservative Republicans who might otherwise support Ronald Reagan! Pretty smart, eh?
Which brings me to my first point. Let's take a look at the recent popularity polls, shall we? [ smacks his head on the desk top ] Whoops! [ stands and walks over to polls staked on easel ] Now, as we can see, the.. Ford popularity is.. [ lifts poll, turns it sideways ] ..certainly on a sharp rise here.. Whereas, the.. [ flips card, accidentally smacks it across the desk, as he follows and tumbles over it onto the floor ] "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"