Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6




75f: Lily Tomlin

Speed

Housewife.....Anne Beatts

Announcer: Meet Ellen Sherman, Cleveland housewife and mother.

Housewife: Hi! I’m a nuclear physicist and commissioner of consumer affairs. In my spare time I do needlepoint, read, sculpt, take riding lessons and brush up on my knowledge of current events. Thursday is my day at the day care center and then there’s my work with the deaf but I still have time left over to do all my own baking and practice my backhand even though I’m on call 24 hours a day as a legal aide (fades out)

Announcer: How does Ellen Sherman do it all? She’s smart. She takes Speed! The tiny blue diet pill you don’t have to be overweight to need.

Housewife: And then I collect these paper bags and I have them right here, all folded and everything, in case anyone needs a paper bag I have one (fades out)

Announcer: Yes, Speed.

Housewife: (fades in) ‘cause I fold them neatly you know, I don’t fold them just any old way (fades out)

Announcer: Why not ask your family doctor for a prescription today? And when that runs out, you can ask your neighbor’s doctor. And your mother’s doctor. And your college roommate’s doctor. And your best friend from high school’s doctor. And your babysitter’s doctor . . . (fades out)


Submitted by: Lisa Kemper


SNL Transcripts