Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7




75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Pong

.....Tom Davis
.....Al Franken

[FADE IN on a blue “Pong” video screen. The player on the left is leading the one on the right, 5-0. The players are heard talking off camera.]

Tom Davis: Yeah, I heard you guys lost to the University of Toronto last night. What was it, 11 to 2?

Al Franken: Yeah, they had this one guy named Bouchard, who was just amazing. He looked like he played pro hockey or something. Boy, he had a great night.

Tom Davis: Sounds like, uh...

[The player on the right misses a shot, making the score 6-0.]

Tom Davis: Sounds like you had it pretty rough last night.

Al Franken: Well, yeah, but I, I scored a goal.

Tom Davis: YOU scored a GOAL? But you’re the goalie, right?

[The right-hand player misses again to make the score 7-0.]

Al Franken: Yeah, I’m the goalie. Yeah. What happened was, this Bouchard had an incredible slapshot, and he, uh, he hit one real hard, I didn’t see it, it hit me right in the cup, you know?

Tom Davis: Wow.

Al Franken: Yeah. Bounced to center ice, and all the way down to the other end, and it skipped past their goalie.

Tom Davis: No kidding!

[The player misses another shot; the score is now 8-0.]

Tom Davis: Boy, I wish I had seen that. Hey, your mouth looks pretty bad, does that still hurt? Franken: A little. Uh, they said the stitches will be out next week, but--

Tom Davis: How did that happen? I heard you got hit with a stick, or something?

Al Franken: Naw, you see this, uh... you know, we didn’t have a chance with this Bouchard guy dancing around, you know. So, uh, he came swooshing by my net after he scored his eighth goal, you know? So I just, uh, tapped him a little bit on the head with my stick...

Tom Davis: Right.

Al Franken: Boy, the next thing you know, this Bouchard guy’s got his gloves on the ice, and he’s punching me in the mouth as hard as he can--

[Again, the right-hand “Pong” player misses for a score of 9-0.]

Tom Davis: Wow!

Al Franken: And get this: the ref throws ME out of the game instead of Bouchard.

[The right-hand player misses an easy shot to make it a 10-0 game.]

Tom Davis: No kidding!

Al Franken: Yeah, he was making bad calls like that all night.

Tom Davis: Wow.

[The player on the right misses still another shot, effectively ending the game at 11-0. The ball and the “players” suddenly disappear.]

Al Franken: Hey, there’s something wrong with my side of the, uh, machine, here...

Tom Davis: Well, let’s play another game, and we’ll switch sides.

Al Franken: No, no, I gotta suit up for pwactice.

[FADE to black.]


Submitted by: Joe Cornfield


SNL Transcripts