Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 9

75i: Elliot Gould / Anne Murray

The Dead String Quartet

First Violinist.....Dan Aykroyd
Second Violinist.....Jane Curtin
Third Violinist.....Garrett Morris
Cellist.....Chevy Chase

[ open on three violinist and one cellist seated in the middle of the apron the stage, seemingly asleep ]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the Dead String Quartet.

[ SUPER: "The Dead String Quartet" ]

[ light laughter, as the audience waits with eager anticipation to see what's going to happen next ]

[ Dead String Quartet remains perfectly still for a number of seconds, until First Violinist slowly keels over to his left, sound of his reed slipping across the violin strings as his body keels over ]

[ First Violinist bumps into Second Violinist, causing a similar reaction from her, as her reed slips over the violin strings and she keels into Third Violinist ]

[ Third Violinist's body keels on into the Cellist, whose body and cello lean over to the edge of the stage ]

[ Cellist balances between his cello and the floor for a few seconds, before finally toppling over the apron and landing with a thud in the middle of the audience ]

Cellist: [ suddenly alive, reaches his arm over the apron and looks into the camera ] "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

SNL Transcripts