Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 9






75i: Elliot Gould / Anne Murray

Shimmer

Wife.....Gilda Radner
Husband.....Dan Aykroyd
Spokesman.....Chevy Chase

[ open on suburban kitchen, Wife and Husband arguing ]

Wife: New Shimmer is a floor wax!

Husband: No, new Shimmer is a dessert topping!

Wife: It's a floor wax!

Husband: It's a dessert topping!

Wife: It's a floor wax, I'm telling you!

Husband: It's a dessert topping, you cow!

Spokesman: [ enters quickly ] Hey, hey, hey, calm down, you two. New Shimmer is both a floor wax and a dessert topping! Here, I'll spray some on your mop.. [ sprays Shimmer onto mop ] ..and some on your butterscotch pudding. [ sprays Shimmer onto pudding ]

[ Husband eats while Wife mops ]

Husband: Mmmmm, tastes terrific!

Wife: And just look at that shine! But will it last?

Spokesman: Hey, outlasts every other leading floor wax, 2 to 1. It's durable, and it's scuff-resistant.

Husband: And it's delicious!

Spokesman: Sure is! Perks up anything from an ice cream sundae to a pumpkin pie!

Wife: Made from an exclusive non-yellowing formula.

Husband: I haven't even touched my pudding and I'm ready for more!

Wife: But what about black heel marks?

Spokesman: Dirt, grime, even black heel marks, wipe clean with a damp mop.

[ Husband accidentally sprays Shimmer onto the floor ]

Husband: Oh, sorry, honey, I'll clean that up!

Wife: Oh, no problem, sweetheart, not with new Shimmer!

[ Spokesman laughs continuously as he approaches the camera ]

Spokesman: New Shimmer, for the greatest shine you ever tasted!

[ fade ]


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