75j: Buck Henry / Bill Withers, Toni Basil, The Blues Brothers
Linda Louise…Gilda Radner
[Title of card of show. Fade to Host.]
Jane Curtin: Good evening, and welcome to “Presidential Foreplay.” Our guest tonight is the latest in increasing number of women to claim to have had an affair with President Kennedy while he was in office. Her name is Linda Louise and she’s here to tell us all about it. Welcome.
[Camera zooms to show Linda Louise show off for the camera.]
Linda Louise: Thank you, it is nice to be here.
Jane Curtin: Miss Louis, how did you met the President?
Linda Louise: Well, I’m a very close personal friend of Bob Hope. I travelled with him on all the UFO tours.
Jane Curtin: That’s USO.
Linda Louise: Yes, after one of the tours, Bob took me to the White House and introduce me to the President and I became a frequent visitor.
Jane Curtin: Ah ha, just when did you cross the line from frequent visitor to actually becoming one of the President’s lovers?
Linda Louise: Well, I got an invitation to a party and when I arrived, I notice I was the only one there.
Jane Curtin: Oh really?
Linda Louise: I remember the President was wearing a white leisure suit. White socks, kind of…
Jane Curtin: [Cutting Linda off.] Yes Miss Louis, is that when you actually got to know the President?
Linda Louise: Yes ah, that when we, you know, right there in the Horizontal Office.
Jane Curtin: That’s Oval Office. Now we’ve all heard a lot about the nude midnight swims at the White House. Were you actually involved in any of them?
Linda Louise: I was involved in all of those.
Jane Curtin: Where was the First Lady during all of this?
Linda Louise: Well, she was on lecture tours or visiting a foreign country. But, usually she was just upstairs in her room heavily sedated.
Jane Curtin: Now, didn’t any of this activity have any effect on the President’s bad back?
Linda Louise: Well, he really didn’t have a bad back.
Jane Curtin: Of course he did.
Linda Louise: No, he had a bad leg. It was terrible. He use to get these shooting pains and he’d have to sit with it propped up in a chair.
Jane Curtin: It was always publicized how bad his back was.
Linda Louise: Well, I use to help him with his leg.
Jane Curtin: Well, in any event, I’m sure that the tragedy had a tremendous effect on you. Considering how close you were.
Linda Louise: Yes, it was terrible, but life goes on and one gets over it.
Jane Curtin: Yes, I know.
Linda Louise: I still speak to him and see him every now and then.
Jane Curtin: [angrily] You what?
Linda Louise: Well, whenever I’m out on the coast.
Jane Curtin: Miss Louise, I don’t think that’s a funny joke. I don’t think you knew the President at all.
Linda Louise: Well, I happen to have a picture of the two of us together.
Jane Curtin: Oh, you do?
Linda Louise: Yes, Bebe took it, one night when we were all out together.
Jane Curtin: Miss Louis, you obviously have the wrong President.
Linda Louise: Well, what’s the matter? Doesn’t he count? I hated every minute of it. But he promised to introduce me to David Frost.
Jane Curtin: That concludes tonight’s program. Tune in next week for another edition of “Presidential Foreplay”
[ dissolve to audience member, with SUPER: "Sargent Shriver's Brother-in-Law on His Sister's Side" ]
Submitted by: Sean Fritsch