75j: Buck Henry / Bill Withers, Toni Basil, The Blues Brothers
Auto Mechanic Bedtime Stories
Mother ... Jane Curtin
Father ... Dan Aykroyd
Debbie ... Gilda Radner
[In a living room at bedtime, a little girl named
Debbie, wearing pajamas, listens intently as her
mother reads aloud from a children's book:]
Mother: "... said Pilot Porcupine as he skillfully set
a northerly course. As they climbed higher and higher,
the passengers could see the--"
Father: [wearing mechanic's overalls, enters, removes
his cap and sighs] Hi.
Mother: Oh, hi, honey.
[Father gives mother a kiss and tosses his cap aside,
clearly exhausted from a long day at work.]
Debbie: Hi, Daddy!
Mother: [to father] Hey, sweetheart, I have to go to
pottery class and catch up on my glazing. Will you put
Debbie to bed?
Father: Yeah, okay.
Mother: Oh, thanks. [to Debbie] Goodbye, sweetie.
Debbie: Bye, Mom.
Father: Take the wagon, okay, honey?
[Mother exits as father, groaning and stretching his
tired limbs, collapses onto the sofa.]
Debbie: [enthusiastically joins father on the sofa]
Daddy! Could - could you tell me a story before I go
Father: [wearily dismissive] I don't know any stories,
Debbie. Go on to bed now.
Debbie: Couldn't you tell me a story about your work?
Father: There's nothing at the garage that would
interest a little girl. Now, go on to bed, okay?
[lights a cigarette]
Debbie: No, Daddy, couldn't you please tell me a
story?! I won't be able to fall asleep! Oh, PLEASE!
Father: [exasperated] Okay! All right, I got a story
for ya. [Debbie listens raptly as her father describes
his work as if it were a children's story] Once upon a
time, a guy comes into the shop with a small block
Chevy 6. I take a look at it. I say, I know there's
some tappet knocking here so I pull the valve cover
off, I strip the gasket, and I'm all set to tighten
down the rocker arms, and there's a whole lot o' oil--
Debbie: Daddy, was there a bear?
Father: No, but a guy was as mad as a bear when I told
him he was lookin' at a ring job. You know, it's
expensive. So he said he didn't know, so I started
pullin' the differential out of the tow truck--
Debbie: Was there a tiny dwarf?
Father: Yeah. Yeah, there was a dwarf, right in the
hub. So I chased him with a hammer all the way down
the axle and I pulled the hub off and it turned out it
was just a wheel bearing and not the pinion gear
Debbie: And - and - and did ya find any magic beans?
Father: Yeah. Well, there was this one guy, said he'd
give me three hundred and twenty-two magic beans if
I'd, uh, open his ports a bit, uh, blow the engine out
to forty thousand over and, uh, bolt on a set o'
Debbie: Was there a witch?
Father: I used the winch to drop a three eighteen into
the old Dodge pick-up, yeah.
Debbie: And did the - did the princess find the frog?
Father: No, but I did -- right in the starter drive.
Right between the Bendix spring and the armature. So I
pulled out the armature, replaced all the brushes and
Debbie: Did Bambi come out of the forest?
Father: Bambi? Yeah, Bambi came out of the forest,
this guy was goin' about sixty -- WHAMMO! -- his
radiator, the grill, gone! I had to put it right in.
You know how hard it is to replace a radiator on a '63
Chevy? Ya gotta--
Debbie: Did they all get married and live happily ever
Father: Well, this guy was married and the bill wasn't
too bad. Now go to bed, will ya please?
[Debbie kisses her father, scurries toward the stairs
but stops and turns.]
Father: What do you want now?
Debbie: If you put on new tie rods and king pins, do
you have to do a complete wheel alignment?
Father: Yeah, ya do, usually, yeah.
[Satisfied, Debbie runs upstairs. Father does a
delayed double take, amazed that there was something
at the garage that would interest a little girl ...]
[pull back to audience wide shot, with SUPER: "Coming Up Next... God Never Meant For Pictures To Fly Through The Air"]