75l: Dick Cavett / Jimmy Cliff
The Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane Operation
[open on office, Dick is sitting on the desk]
Dick Cavett: [on intercom] Uh, tell them I'll only be a moment, Miss Carson. [acknowledges camera] Oh, hello, I'm Dick Cavett, and you
know, America has over 104 billion square feet of swamplands and
everglads. Much of it is uncivilized; all of it is wet. That's why
the trained hydroplane operator has a solid employment future. Today,
the best courses in hydroplane and hovercraft operation are being
offered by the Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane Operation. [dissolve
briefly to doctored photo of a man driving a boat with an older female
passenger. Dick's head is crudely pasted onto the boat driver's head]
In three short weeks you will learn all the skills of this exciting
field at our 58 acre training swamp near Beaumont, Texas, or you can
keep your present job and learn at home. Call this toll-free number
now ["311-555-7878" flashes on screen for a few seconds],
311-555-7878, and we'll send you my informative booklet, The American
Presidency and Hovercraft Speed Tuning.
Remember, when you take the stick, take it from Dick.
[applause and laughter: dissolve to audience shot; the camera zooms on
a young woman wearing a hat and glasses. SUPER: "NOT WEARING PANTS"].