Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 12

75l: Dick Cavett / Jimmy Cliff


... Robert Van Ry, SNL Stage Manager
... Chevy Chase
... Garrett Morris

[Chevy Chase's dressing room. Chevy, surrounded by four attractive young women, wears a gray suit and tie and sits before a TV set. He sips a drink held for him by one of the women.]

Robert Van Ry: [off screen] One minute, Mr. Chase!

Chevy Chase: Thank you, Bob. [a woman in Chevy's lap offers him some food] Oh, strawberries. [drops strawberry] Oop. Geez. [the women laugh obsequiously, Chevy eats the strawberry] I gotta get out there. [rises, brushes himself off, talks to the women as he heads for the door] Just wait here, okay?

[Chevy exits into hallway where he bumps into Garrett Morris just outside Garrett's dressing room.]

Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, Chevy, what's happenin'?

Chevy Chase: Garrett! How are you? Good to see you.

[They shake hands warmly.]

Garrett Morris: How you doin', man? How's everything?

Chevy Chase: Gotta go out and open the show.

Garrett Morris: Yeah, I know. Good luck, man.

Chevy Chase: Thanks.

Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, get that lint off. [thoughtfully picks some lint off Chevy's gray suit]

Chevy Chase: I'm not gonna be able to do a fall this week.

Garrett Morris: No? Why not?

Chevy Chase: I really injured my back last week doing one, I think.

Garrett Morris: Oh, you know, I noticed you were favoring your back, man, when you were walkin'. Better take it easy, bro'. Your shoes shined, man? [looks at Chevy's shoes] Yeah, okay.

Chevy Chase: Hey, listen, you're not in the show very much this week and I'm pretty upset about it. I hope you're not bothered by it. I know that it's--

Garrett Morris: Oh, no, man. Look, I'm just glad to be in the show with you, man.

Chevy Chase: Just 'cause I'm gettin' all the--

Garrett Morris: You a star, man. You a great talent, man.

Chevy Chase: I mean, I'm gettin' all the publicity in the press and everything but that's-- you know.

Garrett Morris: Hey, but, I'm-- Look, I'm diggin' bein' on the show with you.

Chevy Chase: You're a fine actor, Garrett. I enjoy working with you.

Garrett Morris: Thanks a lot, man. Look, it's a pleasure workin' with you, man.

Chevy Chase: I'll see ya later.

Garrett Morris: Hey! Good luck, Chevy, man.

Chevy Chase: Thanks.

Garrett Morris: Take it easy.

[Chevy walks off down the hallway but we stay with Garrett who glances up and down the hall cautiously before retreating into his dressing room. Garrett sits at a desk, puts on a necklace strung with teeth and a derby hat with a feather in it. He sings wordlessly as he picks up a small, gray-suited Chevy Chase doll, flips it over and starts manipulating the feathered pin stuck in its back -- it's a voodoo doll.]

Garrett Morris: [rolls his eyes, singing] Chevy Chaaaaaase!

[Cut to home base where a microphone rests on a stool.]

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, Chevy Chase!

[Audience applauds as Chevy enters slowly, clutching his sore back, picks up the microphone and sits on the stool.]

Chevy Chase: Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello, everybody and welcome. I have a slight apology to make. I won't be doing the traditional fall to open the show due to a back injury which I sustained last week. I would, however-- And boy! Is it killin' me -- to sing a song for you, just to, uh, warm things up.

[As Chevy talks, we cut to Garrett's dressing room where Garrett pulls the pin out of the doll's back and sticks it in the neck.]

Garrett Morris: [singing] Chevy Cha--!

[Cut back to home base where Chevy clutches at his neck.]

Chevy Chase: And, uh-- Ow! That's, like, shooting right up into my neck, you know? But, uh, anyway, uh, well, let's give it a try. Uh, want to hit it, Paul? [Offstage, unseen pianist Paul Shaffer starts playing the 1937 George and Ira Gershwin pop standard "They Can't Take That Away from Me" -- Chevy sings:]
The way you wear your hat -
The way we danced till three -
The mem'ry of all that--

[Cut to Garrett who hurls the doll up against his dressing room wall, watching it fall to the floor.]

Garrett Morris: [singing] Chevy!

[Cut back to Chevy who, microphone in hand, pitches forward and falls headlong off of home base, disappearing from camera range, landing on the floor in front of the stage and knocking over the stool in the process. Applause. Close-up of Chevy on the floor.]

Chevy Chase: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

Submitted Anonymously

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