Summary: As couples dine at a Chicago restaurant on Valentine's Day, 1929, a patron named Roger (Dan Aykroyd) asks Jimmy the waiter (Chevy Chase) to move his car into the garage from the snow. After Jimmy steps outside, a round of gunfire is heard, and Jimmy tumbles back into the restaurant filled with bullet holes and enough energy to open the show.
Summary: Just seconds after the stage has been cleared of the cold opening sketch, Peter Boyle walks out and tells the audience about his new girlfriend, Lorraine, who's sitting among them. Because it's Valentine's Day, he sings the Rogers & Hart classic, "My Funny Valentine", just for her, unaware that she's making out with another man in the audience.
Bio: Perhaps best known as the misunderstood monster in "Young Frankenstein" and the cranky grandpa on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Peter Boyle (1935-2006), a former monk in the Christian Brothers order, is no stranger to live theatre. Early in his career, he performed in a tour of "The Odd Couple" and onstage as part of Chicago's Second City troupe. A week prior to his SNL hosting, Boyle showed up on the big screen as The Wizard in "Taxi Driver." He's been married to Lorraine since 1977.
Summary: Mr. (John Belushi) and Mrs. Futaba (Jane Curtin) are getting divorced, so their divorce lawyer (Peter Boyle) calls them together to divide their assets. The task is simple at first, but soon the disparity prevails and they begin to split everything down the middle with Futaba's samurai sword. There's still the matter of declaring custody of their young daughter, Bingo (Jenny Shapiro), but is it better to split her across the waist or down the middle?
Summary: Peter Boyle introduces The Shapiro Sisters, a child trio who dance and lip-synch the Natalie Cole song "This Will Be."
Bio: Sisters Helena, Emily and Jenny are the daughters of Ken Shapiro, who produced, directed, wrote and acted in New York's East Village Channel One Video Theater for five years, starting in 1967. The crew of Channel One later released "The Groove Tube" in theaters in 1974. Chevy Chase was a writer and actor for both productions.
Summary: The typical family home is made up of Mom (Jacqueline Carlin), Dad (Dan Aykroyd) and the children. But if Dad suddenly dies, the family's emotional loss is covered by New Dad (Chevy Chase).
Summary: Stoners Jason (Dan Aykroyd) and Chloe (Laraine Newman) are visited by their neighbor Bob (Peter Boyle), who keeps mistakenly receiving suspicious packages addressed for them. They invite him inside to watch weird slides from their recent trip.
Recurring Characters: Jason, Chloe.
Note: In future appearances, Chloe also goes by the name Sunshine.
Summary: Chevy Chase narrates Patty Hearst trial testimony over images of art masterpieces. Garrett Morris reports on the Winter Olympics from Innsbruck a week after they've ended. Back at the Blaine Hotel, Laraine Newman reports from outside a snuff director's room. In an editorial reply, Emily Litella is against donating money for canker research.
Summary: When a husband (Peter Boyle) comes home early, he discovers various men hidden among his household appliances. His wife (Jane Curtin) convinces him they aren't suspicious men, but, rather, new household products designed to run his home more efficiently.
Summary: Filmed by viewer Howard Grunwald, this week's home movie is literally video footage of the outside of a house. Afterwards, Gilda Radner asks Don Pardo to tell other home viewers where to send their home movies for inclusion on SNL.
Summary: Garrett Morris gives Gilda Radner a raunchy Valentine's Day card.