Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 14








75n: Desi Arnaz / Desi Arnaz, Jr.

40th Birthday

Husband.....Chevy Chase
Wife.....Jane Curtin
Friends.....John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Alan Zweibel, Tom Schiller, Michael O'Donoghue, Neil Levy

[ open on couple sitting up in bed, lighting cigarettes in the dark ]

Wife: Look -- it wasn't your fault. You don't have to feel bad about it.

Husband: [ scoffs ] You know, you don't have to say that -- I know what you're thinking.

Wife: These things happen to ALL men.

Husband: [ he sighs ] Well, it's never happened to me before.

Wife: Maybe you shouldn't have had that extra drink on the way home.

Husband: Listen -- if all it takes is one extra drink, I must be getting pretty old, don't you think?

Wife: Well, what do you expect? You work too hard, you never get enough exercise -- no wonder you couldn't do your best.

Husband: Look, I'm 40 years old today. Maybe I just wanted to prove I can still --

Wife: Well, I just didn't think it had anything to do with ME!

Husband: Come on... I came home early, I saw you standing here, your dress is half unzipped --

Wife: Yeah, but you picked the wrong moment.

Husband: What's wrong with a little spontaneity?

Wife: You THREW me! That's all! I just wasn't in the mood! I had plans for this evening! But, NO -- you come in here, you BURST in here, you throw me on the bed, and you just expect me to respond! Yuo just don't understand. I wanted today to be special.

Husband: [ thinking ] Well... come on, it's not over yet. There's still a few hours left.

Wife: I thought maybe we could have some friends over, maybe have a little celebration.

Husband: I'm sorry if I spoiled your plans. I guess it was kind of the wrong time.

Wife: I'm sorry, too. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.

Husband: Thanks.

[ they kiss, as the lights suddenly turn on and their friends pop out of hiding ]

Friends: SURPRISE!!!

[ zoom in on Husband's stunned, embarrassed face ]

[ pull out to studio wide shot, with SUPER: "Coming up Next... Sammy Davis Jr. Asks: Is There Showbusiness After Death?" ]

[ fade ]


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