Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 15




75o: Jill Clayburgh / Leon Redbone

White Guilt Relief Fund

... Garrett Morris
Announcer ... Don Pardo

[In front of a brick wall, Garrett Morris, wearing suit and tie, his head cocked to one side as if he were missing a bone from his neck, addresses the camera.]

Garrett Morris: Hi. I'm Garrett Morris, talkin' to all you white Americans about the way black people have been treated in America. Now, I know a lot of you feel guilty -- and you should. My great-great-grandmother was brought over here on a slave ship and was raped by her white master. And my grandfather was lynched by a mob for not tippin' his hat to a white lady. Now, they're dead now and there's nothing you can do to erase their suffering. However, if you would like to relieve your guilt, I am willing to accept money as a representative victim of four hundred years of repression. Send your check or money order to White Guilt Relief Fund, care of Garrett Morris, 870 West 127th Street, New York, New York 10089 [Superimposed text reads: WHITE GUILT RELIEF FUND c/o Garrett Morris, 870 West 127th Street, New York, New York 10089] -- and if you send in before July 4th, 1976, [holds up a parchment scroll and an orange card] I will send you this beautiful scroll and I.D. card certifying you as an honorary Negro in the eyes of several black Americans! Once again, that address! [Smiling, Garrett pauses as Don Pardo takes over.]

Announcer: White Guilt Relief Fund, in care of Garrett Morris, 870 West 127th Street, New York, New York 10089. Send cash or money. I know I have. I felt just terrible until I did.

Garrett Morris: Thank you!


Submitted Anonymously


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