Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 17


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


April 17th, 1976

Ron Nessen

Patti Smith Group

Bill Crystal

President Gerald Ford

Neil Levy

Tom Davis

Al Franken

Michael O'Donoghue

Tom Schiller

Alan Zweibel

The Dead String Quartet II


Montage


Ron Nessen's Monologue


Super Bass-O-Matic '76
Summary: Pitchman (Dan Aykroyd) advocates an easier way to enjoy the taste of bass.

Transcript


Ford/Nessen
Summary: Ron Nessen talks President Gerald Ford (Chevy Chase) into allowing him to host "Saturday Night Live" this week.

Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford.

Transcript


Jam Hawkers
Summary: With tasteless and obscene names like Fluckers and Monkey Pus, these have to be the best jams on the market!

Transcript


Patti Smith Group performs "Gloria"


Press Secretaries Through History
Summary: Catherine the Great's press secretary, Leonid Pushnev (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing.


Lie Detector Test


The New Army


Weekend Update with Chevy Chase
Summary: Laraine Newman interview. Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) discusses "presidential erections".

Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.


Up Against the Wallpaper
Summary: Jerry Rubin pitches grafitti wallpaper.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.


Garbage
Summary: Gary Weis explores the world of waste management in New York.

Transcript


Autumn Fizz


Tomorrow
Recurring Characters: Tom Snyder.


Singing at the Urinal
Summary: A film by David Massar.


Press Secretaries Through History
Summary: Oedipus' press secretary, Julius Marcellis (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing.


Supreme Court Spot Check
Summary: Members of the Supreme Court (John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Al Franken, Tom Davis, Alan Zweibel, Tom Schiller, Garrett Morris, Michael O'Donoghue, Neil Levy) monitor the sexual behavior of a cohabitating couple (Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin).

Transcript


Press Secretaries Through History
Summary: Thomas Jefferson's press secretary, John Quincy Ross (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing.


Billy Crystal Stand-Up
Transcript


Try-Hard 1-11
Summary: A battery strong enough to run a pacemaker all night.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.


Misconceptions


Patti Smith Group performs "My Generation"


Goodnights



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