75q: Ron Nessen / Patti Smith
Written by: Gilda Radner & Alan Zweibel
[ open on Woman dressed finely as she sits on her bed ]
Woman: I love being a woman. Feeling fresh, soft, and fragrant makes me glad I'm myself. I like to be pampered in silk and flowing chiffon. THe finer things of life. And being feminine means being fresh and clean. When I think of the finest in jewelry, I think of Tiffany and Cartier. And, when I think of feminine hygeine, I think of Autumn Fizz -- [ she holds up the product ] the carbonated douche. Autumn Fizz gives me the confidence a woman needs in today's hectic world. It brings out the naturalfragrance of feminity, with the effervescence of uncola.
[ her boyfriend enters, dressed in a tux, and sits on the bed behind her ]
Woman: Autumn Fizz -- [ she burps ] the carbonated douche. [ they exchange glances ] Don't leave him holding the bag.
Man: Thank you.
[ she hands each bottle to her boyfriend ]
Woman: Now, in strawberry... lemon... and egg cream.
[ fade ]