75s: Madeline Kahn / Carly Simon
[Fade in to wilderness backdrop. A few fake animals are perched on a log.]
Announcer: An entertainer turns his back on civilization to find nature's audience. He made the animals laugh. Wilderness Comedian.
["Wilderness Comedian" title appears. Comedian wearing yellow suit and holding microphone steps in front of the animals. He delivers a rapid-fire, Vegas-style comedy act]
Comedian: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're beautiful, you're beautiful, thank you. One mountain goat goes up to another mountain goat and says, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?" The goat says, "That was no lady. That was my kid!" [Animals laugh at punchline] Thank you, thank you very much, thank you, thank you, thank you. Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hey, how do you like this coat, huh? How do you like this coat, huh? I got it real cheap. I bought it off a deer for a buck. It's a buckskin! Thank you [Animals laugh]
Announcer: Yes, Wilderness Comedian starring Shecky Adams, in the story of a successful nightclub comic who gave up the wildlife of Las Vegas for the wildlife of the North American wilderness.
Comedian: Thank you very much. But seriously, birds and bees, it's so wonderful to be here tonight. The wilderness is a crazy place. It's really a nutty place. It just goes on here all the time, it's absolutely insane. The other day, there's this bear standing next to a creek trying to catch a salmon, right? And this moose walks by and says, "How ya doin'?" And the bear says, "Not so good. Haven't caught a salmon all day." The moose says, "No wonder." He says, "No wonder. You're facing the wrong way. Salmon swim upstream. [silence] Salmon swim UPSTREAM!" Hey, what is this, an Audubon painting? [Animals laugh] Thank you. Thank you very much.
Announcer: Your whole family will thrill to scenes of high adventure. [Bearskin rug suddenly "jumps" on comedian, who begins wrestling with it] Imagine grappling with a 400-pound wilderness heckler. Opening for Jerry Vale was never like this.
Comedian: Okay bear, you can sit down. We've all seen the coat before. [Tosses rug aside] Fine. Real good. Okay! All right, hey, look, I kid bears, I know. [Becomes serious] But I kid all species, you know? Why? Because we're all animals, right, you know? And I love 'em. I don't care whether they're hooved, they're furried or they're feathered. I don't care. After all, we're all animals and [resumes comedic tone] Except the young ones today, the young animals today. I don't know. They're crazy. They all let their hair grow long, you know. I know a teenage, I know a teenage water buffalo. He's six-two. He got a haircut, he's five-four. Thank you [Animals laugh] Thank you very much.
Announcer: Yes, Wilderness Comedian. Opening soon in a Jerry Lewis theater near you on a double bill with Wilderness Golf Pro.
Submitted by: John Ravetti