Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 24


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:

July 31st, 1976

Kris Kristofferson

Rita Coolidge

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Season 1: Order Now!

Help Me Make It Through The Night
Summary: Kris Kristofferson sings "Help Me Make It Through the Night, while Chevy Chase makes it through the night with his wife, Rita Coolidge.


Montage


Kris Kristofferson's Monologue


I Was Not A Sucker For Saturday Night
Summary: Sherry (Laraine Newman) has written a tell-all book about her experiences serving as intern to SNL's writing staff.

Recurring Characters: Sherry.

Transcript


Samurai General Practitioner
Summary: Futaba (John Belushi) administers a physical to Kris Kristofferson.

Recurring Characters: Futaba.


Rita Coolidge performs "Hula Hoop"


The Great White Athlete
Summary: Jesse Owens (Garrett Morris) is selling medals that formerly belonged to white athletes.

Transcript


Mississippi Delegate
Summary: Mississippi delegate Frank Wade (Kris Kristofferson) asks President Gerald R. Ford (Chevy Chase) to side with him on a bill.

Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford, Betty Ford.


Police State
Summary: A pair of police officers (Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd) go after criminals with a no-holds-barred style.

Transcript


Weekend Update with Chevy Chase
Summary: Laraine Newman accidentally reports live from Nassau instead of from NASA.

Transcript


Talk Country
Summary: Kris Kristofferson plugs the book that taught him how to talk like a good ol' boy.

Transcript


Bobbi McGee
Summary: Kris Kristofferson sings a few bars of Me and Bobby McGee", then brings out the young woman (Gilda Radner) who inspired the tune and learns that she has since married a man named Larry Farber (John Belushi).

Recurring Characters: Bobbi Farber, Larry Farber.

Transcript


Gynecologist Blind Date
Summary: Judy (Jane Curtin) is uncomfortable when she finds out her friend has set her up on a blind date with her own gynecologist (Kris Kristofferson).

Transcript


Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge perform "Eddie the Eunuch"


Praising Carter
Summary: Andrew Young (Garrett Morris) speaks highly of presidential candidate Jimmy Carter (Dan Aykroyd), in the hopes of being asked to join his administration.

Recurring Characters: Andrew Yuong, Jimmy Carter.


Waiting For Pardo
Summary: Bob (Chevy Chase) and Bill (Kris Kristofferson) await the arrival of the mythic Don Pardo.

Transcript


Kris Kristofferson performs "I've Got a Life of My Own"


Goodnights
Transcript



SNL Transcripts