76f: Buck Henry / The Band
Super Bat-o-matic '77
Pitchman: Witches, warlocks, conjurers,
sorcerers, black magicians, white magicians, are you
having trouble mixing your potions in time for the
winter solstice? [pull back to reveal the pitchman in
magician's robe standing before a table complete with
lit candles, a book of magic, mortar and pestle,
blender with a bat icon on it - picks up mortar and
pestle] Is your sorcery getting hung up because of the
hours you spend mixing and blending your remedies?
Then you need Rovco's amazing new witch's aid, the
Super-Bat-O-Matic '77! [SUPER: BAT-O-MATIC]
You never have to use mortar, pestle or cauldron
again. Super-Bat-O-Matic cuts, chops, slices, dices,
mixes and blends herbs, plants, twigs, sprigs, leaves,
branches, claws, teeth, eyes, ears, skin, hair, blood,
flies, insects, limbs and organs of all kinds, toads,
lizards, newts, mice, rats and bats FASTER than you
can knife a goat! [picks up a book] Take this eleventh
century remedy from the Key of Alcazar: Potion to Win
Love and Shrink Hives.
Feather of a young hawk, belly of a fly,
Blood, bile of an ox,
A lizard's lung,
Say "Sarax, sarax!"
And your will is done.
[dumps contents of black bag into blender]
Seven threads, a hangman's garment.
Basil, wolfbane and a shoot of wintermint.
To this, add the eye of a rat. [drops rat eye into
And mix in the body of one whole bat!
[holds up the small quivering body a dead bat]
Yes! Mix in the body of one whole bat! Remember what a
chore that USED to be?! Now, it's fast and it's easy
with Rovco's Bat-O-Matic! [drops bat in blender]
Here's how it works.
[puts top on blender, pushes button - blender blends
contents into a brown liquid - pitchman chants
wordlessly as if speaking in tongues - Cut to woman
with glass of similarly brown liquid. To the crowd's
horror, she drinks from it, then smiles into the
Bat-Drinker: Wow! That's great bat! And a great
potion, too. I'm in love and my hives are
Pitchman: With Bat-O-Matic, you can prepare as
many bat-based potions as you like without pounding,
grinding or mixing by hand. Throw away that mortar,
pestle and cauldron! [briefly holds up mortar, pestle
and tiny cauldron] Get the Super-Bat-O-Matic '77! It
works like magic! [starts up blender - SUPER:
Don Pardo V/O: Bat-O-Matic -- at alchemists