76i: Jodie Foster / Brian Wilson

Believe in Bees

Wendy.....Jodie Foster
Peter Pan.....Laraine Newman
Tinkerbee.....John Belushi

[A typical teen bedroom. Jodie's on the bed, on the phone.]

Wendy: Oh, right. Uh yeah, I mean, Pink Floyd – this great group from the Sixties? Is really hot. No, listen, Aerosmith is loud but you can't hold loudness against 'em. Right. Okay, call me, talk to you tomorrow. Ok? [hangs up, puts on headphone radio]

[Peter Pan and Tinkerbee pop in through the window and jump on the bed.]

Peter Pan: Wendy!

Wendy: Hey, um, y'know I knew I was wrecked, but not this wrecked!

Peter Pan: Wendy, I'm Peter. And this is Tinker Bee! [they jump off the bed] And we've come to take you off to the Land of the Lost Bees.

Wendy: Hey man, I've been wrecked before but I've handled it, y'know?

Peter Pan: Where you never grow up!

Wendy: Yeah, I mean I've been through a lot of heavy stuff, but I've handled it.

Peter Pan: Hey! And you can learn to fly, too!

Wendy: Oh, listen, something like this happened to me at a Dead concert once but it lasted two hours, an hour and a half, tops.

Peter Pan: Wendy, I sense you don't believe me.

Wendy: It's just- I mean two people come into your room late at night, tell you they're bees, y'know, they're gonna take you away to a land where you never grow up, you can fly – it's a little weird, that's all, it's just a little weird, y'know . . .

Peter Pan: Hey. You called us 'people', we're not people, we're bees!

Wendy: Yeah, right. You're bees, and I'm Bianca Jagger and I carry a cane for no known reason.

Peter Pan: Don't you believe in bees?

Wendy: I'd believe in peanut butter before I'd believe in bees.

Peter Pan: Oh, no, don't say that. You're killing Tink!

Wendy: I'm what?

Peter Pan: Tinker Bee! It kills him if people don't believe in him!

Wendy: Hey, I need this like a moose needs a hat rack, man.

Peter Pan: Oh, Tink. Poor Tinkerbee is going fast.

Wendy: Hey, I don't go into your room and do numbers on you, do I?

Peter Pan: Tink! You OK?

Tinkerbee: Gaaah.

Wendy: I mean, this is really great for parties and stuff, but let's face it, you're not bees.

Peter Pan: Whaddya mean we're not bees?

Wendy: You're not bees. I mean, well, look. Can you fly?

Peter Pan: No.

Tinkerbee: Gccch, guchagggh!

Wendy: Can you pollinate?

Peter Pan: Well, I've never actually tried.

Tinkerbee: Ughughghuch!

Wendy: Do you live in hives?

Peter Pan: Actually, I have a place over on E. 57th.

Tinkerbee: Annnggghgch!

Wendy: Well then, you're not bees! Oh, let's face it. You're not bees, you're actors.

Peter Pan: Oh no!

Wendy: Yeah, man, actors. Television actors. I've seen you. You're OK when you get a good concept . . .

[Tinkerbee collapses.]

Peter Pan: Oh, look. You're killing him! Oh, God, he's practically dead already.

Wendy: Hey, I'm really sorry, but listen. This is the 70s, you know, 70s? Frye boots, yogurt, frozen yogurt? Goodbye Yellow Brick Road? I mean, kids are different now. We don't believe in bees!

Peter Pan: Yeah, well, let me tell you something. Bees are not just little balls of yellow and white fluff that you can go around believing in or not believing in. Bees are a state of mind! I mean, they're youth and they're hope and they're lightheartedness – and bees are like a breath of fresh air, like a song, or a dream. Bees are like Muppets with longer contracts, you understand?

Wendy: Yeah, sort of.

Peter Pan: But if you don't believe in bees, you don't believe in yesterday or tomorrow! OK?

Wendy: OK.

Peter Pan: So please, please believe in bees or Tinkerbee here will ---

Wendy: [steps toward studio audience] Well, listen everybody. Tinkerbee here is dying and there's only one way to save him. If you believe in bees, get up and clap your hands. That's right!

[Audience claps, building volume]

Peter Pan: John, you can get up now, they're clapping. John. John?

Wendy: [kneels] What's wrong? That's his cue!

Peter Pan: I don't know. They clapped. He can't get up.

Wendy: Come on!

[Tinkerbee whispers into Peter Pan's ear]

Peter Pan: He wants a standing ovation.

Wendy: Great. [to audience] All right everybody, if you believe in bees, stand up and clap your hands!

[Standing ovation. Tinkerbee gets up, makes 'gimme more' signs to the audience]

Tinkerbee: Come on, come on, let's go!

[The Booth. The director and assistant, in bee outfits, are running the board.]

Heino Ripp: The kids today, they don't believe in anything.

Dave Wilson: It's not like when we were growing up, Ripp. I tell you what. Roll the commercial and we'll go to it. [Fade]


Submitted by: Susan Gleason