Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 9

76i: Jodie Foster / Brian Wilson

What Kinda Guy Watches Saturday Night?

Steve Bushakis ... John Belushi
Female Announcer ... Laraine Newman

[Plant shop. With his back to the camera, the shop's casually-dressed, "tough guy" owner, Steve Bushakis, waters his plants with a spray bottle.]

Female Announcer: What kind of guy watches NBC's Saturday Night? Let's ask Steve Bushakis of Chicago, Illinois.

Steve Bushakis: [stops spraying and turns to address the camera] I just started my own business. I guess I was just sick of takin' orders from the other guy. The business? This plant shop. Ahhh, people kid me about plant shop owners bein' gay -- and I kid 'em right back! You see, I'm so secure in my virility that I can joke about homos. Let me tell you, though, I like women! And they like me. I've had gonorrhea five times. There's no double standard here! Uh uh. The more promiscuous a girl, the more I respect her. [Superimposed text appears reading: NBC DOES NOT WISH TO ADVOCATE OR CONDONE SEXUAL PROMISCUITY] And when it comes to entertainments, it's raunchy, sophomore comedy for me! That's why I watch Saturday Night. I guess you'd say ... I'm that Saturday Night kind o' guy. [grabs a cigarette, lights up, raises his eyebrow to the camera]

Female Announcer: Women love a man who watches Saturday Night.

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts