Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 14






76n: Steve Martin / The Kinks

Steve's Head Trip

.....Steve Martin
.....Gilda Radner
.....John Belushi
.....Garrett Morris
.....Bill Murray

[ Steve Martin exits dressing room, leaving girl within ]

Steve Martin: I'll see you later - after the show, huh?

Gilda Radner: [ approaches ] Hello, Steve.

Steve Martin: Gilda! How you doing?

Gilda Radner: I'm just great. You know, Steve, I feel kind of bad - I haven't seen as much of you as I did the last time you were on the show.

Steve Martin: Well, I've been pretty busy with the show; you know that.

Gilda Radner: Right.

Steve Martin: [ attempts to kiss Gilda, but she backs off ] Hey, come on - what's the matter with you? Hey, if something's wrong, you might as well tell me. I don't like playing games.

Gilda Radner: I don't know, I think you've changed a little bit since you've been on "The Tonight Show".

Steve Martin: What? Me, change? Just because I've.. guest hosted "The Tonight Show".

Gilda Radner: Guest-hosted. I know you're on the road and everything..

Steve Martin: Well, you know, show business is my life.

Gilda Radner: What about my life?

Steve Martin: Well, uh.. I guess your life is ruined. I mean, you know I was a ramblin' guy when you got involved.

Gilda Radner: Yeah, you could have called me, or something.

Steve Martin: But I did call you! I left the name of the lotion on your answering service!

Gilda Radner: Was that you?!

Steve Martin: Yeah! did the lotion work okay?

Gilda Radner: Oh, yes! Thank you!

Steve Martin: Okay, then. No problem, then.

Gilda Radner: Right.. right..

Steve Martin: Hey, uh, listen.. [ looks back at his dressing room, indicating girl ] This girl likes to crash early.. so, maybe I could over to your place about, uh, three? Something like that?

Gilda Radner: Three? Uh.. well, okay.. okay.

Steve Martin: Great! Ciao, baby! [ retreats down the hall ]

Gilda Radner: "Ciao, baby?"

Steve Martin: [ enters locker room ] Hey, compadres muchachos! How's it going, buddies?

[ cool reception ]

John Belushi: [ sarcastic ] Well, look who's here - Mr. Big-Time Show Business himself!

Garrett Morris: Yeah, Mr. Host of "The Tonight Show".

Steve Martin: Guest host. I was a guest host once - big deal!

Bill Murray: Steve, uh.. I wasn't here the last time you did the show, but from what I hear, I don't think I like you too much.

Steve Martin: Hey, uh.. what's bugging you guys? You know what I mean? I mean, I come out here to do the show, and you act like I'm some kind of aJack The Ripper. What's the deal? Why don't you tell me the truth here?

John Belushi: Alright, I'll tell you: we all know what happened to Gilda.

Bill Murray: We think you got off pretty easy.

Steve Martin: Hey, is that all? Come on, you guys are guys! You're a little bit jealous!

Garrett Morris: Hey, man, that has nothing to do with it, man! You've ruined the reputation of a Not Ready For Prime Time player!

Steve Martin: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me!

John Belushi: [ angry ] I'll rip his face off!! I swear to God!!

Bill Murray: [ pulls John back ] Hey, he's got a show to do, man! You get him bloody, we'll ruin his pretty coat..

Steve Martin: Hey, let me tell you guys something: I come down here, I'm going on the air and everything, and you come out here and act like I'm some kind of bad guy or something! I just had a long, long, personal talk with Gilda, to kind of smooth things over, okay? So, look - I don't need you, and you don't need me! I'm gonna take a hike! How do you like that? I'm a ramblin' guy, I think I'll ramble! [ turns to exit ] Hey, good luck with the opening, Belushi! I'll be seeing you!

John Belushi: [ grabs Steve ] You're not going anywhere, until you do that opening.

Steve Martin: Heeeyy.. nobody tells me what to do!

John Belushi: [ grabs Steve's fingers, pinches ] Yeah?! Now, say it, pal!

Steve Martin: I'm not gonna say it!

John Belushi: Say it!

Steve Martin: [ in pain ] "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


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