Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 15

76o: Sissy Spacek / Richard Baskin

John Belushi's Dream

... John Belushi
... Don Pardo

[In an office filled with sporting goods (a barbell, a basketball net, a catcher's mitt, etc.), John Belushi, wearing a lettered collegian's sweater, sits on the edge of a desk, passing a football from hand to hand, before addressing the camera:]

John Belushi: Hi. I'm John Belushi. I guess you've seen me on the show here. I'm one of the actors. This is my office. NBC has allowed me this time to make a very personal announcement. Ladies and gentlemen, fans, friends, I'm announcing at this time ... that I am retiring from show business. Now, this was not a sudden decision on my part. I feel that there are others who can make you laugh. I know that because I used to be one of them. I'm quitting the business because I feel my contribution is not acting. My contribution to mankind is not to be an actor. My true destiny is to win the Olympic gold medal in the decathlon at the Moscow games in 1980. [sets the football aside] The decathlon -- ten grueling events -- from the one hundred meters to the fifteen hundred meter run -- the ultimate test. And the winner can truly be called the world's greatest athlete. That is my destiny. Of course, I'll have to quit the show and devote all of my time to training. Unfortunately, I haven't saved any money from this show to live on until then. That's why I'm selling these -- [holds up a large gold coin] Olympic gold coins -- with the mask of comedy and tragedy on one side [shows other side of coin] and the likeness of myself clearing the height of eight feet, two inches in the high jump on the other. [Olympic theme music plays] Now, we all know that the Russian athletes are supported by Communist money. Olympians like myself are supported solely by "free enterprise" money, your money. Think of it as an investment -- or a rip-off, I don't care. Because for once in my life, I'm not going for the laugh, I'm going for the gold.

[Dissolve to a graphic that reads: JOHN BELUSHI'S DREAM, Greenwich Village, New York City, N.Y., N.Y. as Don Pardo takes over:]

Don Pardo: Send five dollars to JOHN BELUSHI'S DREAM, Greenwich Village, New York City, New York, New York.

[Dissolve back to Belushi:]

John Belushi: See you in Moscow in 1980! Be there!

[Belushi leans back and starts doing sit-ups on top of the desk. He manages to do a complete one, then does a half sit-up and counts it as "two" -- then we dissolve to the applauding audience and zoom in on one gentleman over whom a superimposed text reads: LIVING A LIE.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts