76p: Broderick Crawford / Levon Helm & The RCO All-Stars, The Meters
Mrs. Mel.....Laraine Newman
[ open on two men dressed in leather jackets, posing in front of chromascreen of cows ]
Mel: Why do these people look so good? Because they're wearing the finest quality leather coats and accessories. Look at this beautiful leather coat, a smooth, thick grain of cowhide for only twenty dollars.. twenty dollars! hy such quality for such a low price? Why? Because these people buy their suede and leather at Mel's Hide Heaven, where you select your own cow, then you rope it, you stun it, you skin it! You select your own cow from over 900 head in Mel's forty-acre, fully air-conditioned indoor cattle range. Then you rope. You stun. You skin. We tan and tailor. All our equipment is light and easy to operate. Here's Mrs. Mel to show you how to work the saws.
[ Mrs. Mel enters wearing a tight-fitting leather skirt and top, gunning an electric chain saw ]
[ SUPER: "Mel's Hide Heaven - Over 3,000 Stunned" ]
Mel: She's got her leather - you get yours at Me's Hide Heaven, where you stun your own coat! We also feature an indoor horse corral and mink farm where you rope, you stun, you skin horse and mink to your own specifications for the look you want in clothing at prices you can afford. Come next door to Mel's famous Char Palace for a free steak dinner while you wait. Yes, cow hides never looked so good on human beings. That's Mel's, Mel's Hide Heaven, Route 15, Paramus, off Exit 21. Cats also available on request.
[ zoom in on woman in audience, with SUPER: "Ruthless When Wet" ]
[ fade ]