Saturday Night Live Transcripts
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Season 2: Episode 17
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 Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
Bit Players:
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March 26th, 1977
Jack Burns
Santana
None
Bob Van Ry
Anne Beatts
Mitchell Laurance
Jim Downey
Al Franken
Tom Davis
Neil Levy
Marilyn Suzanne Miller
Rosie Shuster
Tom Schiller
Alan Zweibel
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John's Demands
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Summary: John Belushi wants his demands met before he says the opening line.
Transcript
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Jack Burns' Monologue
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Summary: Jack Burns fulfills the desire to touch himself on national television.
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The Farbers Meet The Coneheads
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Summary: Larry (John Belushi) and Bobbi Farber (Gilda Radner) invite their new neighbors, The Coneheads, over for dinner.
Recurring Characters: Larry Farber, Bobbi Farber, Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.
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Santana performs "Black Magic Woman"
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Marine Wedding
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Summary: Marine Sergeant Wee Boyd (Dan Aykroyd) and his bride, Private Kathleen Lizetti (Jane Curtin), endure a military wedding service.
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A Town Without Pity
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Summary: Eliot Ness (Dan Aykroyd) takes India from Indira Gandhi's (Laraine Newman) hands.
Recurring Characters: Indira Gandhi, Eliot Ness.
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Weekend Update with Jane Curtin
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Summary: Jane Curtin invites a cardboard cutout of Harry Reasoner cardboard to join her at the Weekend Update desk. Oscar winners are announced from results stolen from an accounting firm.
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Leech-Tab 100
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Summary: A pharmicist (Dan Aykroyd) prescribes leeches for healing.
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The Story Of The Squatters
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Summary: Early American crouchers settle the frontier.
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Executive Suicide
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Summary: A sketch about a business executive (Jack Burns) who commits suicide is ruined when Jack Burns forgets to duck after jumping through the window.
Recurring Characters: Sherry.
Transcript
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Jack Burns is Rocky
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Summary: Jack Burns trains to be like "Rocky", in a film by Gary Weis.
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Ask Big Daddy
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Summary: Idi Amin (Garrett Morris) is quiet about a recent massacre.
Recurring Characters: Walter Cronkite, Idi Amin.
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Mirage
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Summary: In a short film, a vending machine appears in the desert.
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Pantygrams
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Summary: Richardo Montalban (Dan Aykroyd) endorses the underwear message service.
Recurring Characters: Richardo Montalban.
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Santana performs "Europa"
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Drunk Comedy Writer
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Summary: Gilda Radner and Jane Curtin meet washed-up comedy writer Gags Beasley (Jack Burns) in a bar.
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SNL Transcripts
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