Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 18






76r: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick

H&L Brock

Lowell Brock.....John Belushi

[ open on Businessman seated in armchair ]

Lowell Brock: Hi, I'm Lowell Brock for H&L Brock. Not to be confused with H&R Block, our competitors. Usually it's my brother Henry who does these commercials. Henry is the actor of the family. I'm the accountant. I do all the work. So here's some more of my seventeen reasons why you should let me do your taxes. Reason #10. I take the time.

[ SUPER: "I Take The Time" ]

At H&L Brock, I take the time to do your taxes correctly - no matter how long it takes. And if there is a problem with the IRS, I'll represent your claim. Why? Reason #11. I have the time.

[ SUPER: "I Have The Time" ]

Other tax firms aren't interested in standing behind their work. I do. I have to. Why? Reason #12. I'm donig time.

[ SUPER: "I'm Doing Time" ]

[ camera pulls back to reveal Brock has been speaking from inside a jail cell ]

Yes, I'm doing time. About 10 to 20 years for fraud, forgery, and attempted bribes of IRS officials, which is another reason that i'm rarely seen on television. Even if I got out for good behavior in seven years, I still have plenty of time to prepare your returns. So why pay costly taxes when you don't have to? Come down to H&L Brock tomorrow. Visiting hours are from 9:30 to 4:00, every other Thursday. [ runs tin cup along bars ] Guard! [ Guard enters ] Guard, your short form is finished. Now, how about those cigarettes? [ Guard hands him pack of cigarettes ]

[ SUPER: "H&L Brock - The Tax Fraud People ]


SNL Transcripts