Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 18





76r: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick

Creeley's Soup

Little Girl.....Gilda Radner
Voice of Soupman.....Bill Murray

[ open on Little Girl at table eating soup ]

Voice of Soupman: [ from off screen ] Hey, kid.

Little Girl: What?

Voice of Soupman: What's that you're eating?

Little Girl: Soup.

Voice of Soupman: Yeah, but what kind of soup?

Little Girl: Vegetable soup.

Voice of Soupman: What kind of vegetable soup?

Little Girl: Aunt Jane Creeley's Vegetable soup.

Voice of Soupman: Of course it is. And do you know what goes into Aunt Jane Creeley's Vegetable soup?

Little Girl: Vegetables.

Voice of Soupman: That's right, kid. Aunt Jane's home grown vegetables. Tomatoes, peas, carrots, green beans, mushrooms, potatoes, and corn. There's seven in all. Count them.

[ Little Girl takes out some of the vegetables in her soup, puts them on the table, and counts them ]

Little Girl: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

Voice of Soupman: You really like that soup, don't you?

Little Girl: Uh-huh. More than anything in the whole wide world!

Voice of Soupman: Okay. I'll give you a brand-new doll for that soup.

Little Girl: No.

Voice of Soupman: All right. How about a brand-new doll and a bicycle?

Little Girl: Uh-uh.

Voice of Soupman: All right. How about a brand-new doll, a bicycle, and tickets to the circus?

Little Girl: [ thinks for a moment ] No! Leave me alone! I'm eating!

Voice of Soupman: You really love your that soup, don't you?

Little Girl: Mm-hmm.

Voice of Soupman: You see those little pieces of corn in there?

Little Girl: Yeah?

Voice of Soupman: Well take them out and stuff them into your nose.

Little Girl: [ puzzled at being asked ] Why?

Voice of Soupman: Because the Soupman says so.

[ Little Girl picks corn out of the soup and sticks them in her nose ]

Little Girl: It hurts!

Voice of Soupman: [ laughs wickedly ] Well, in that case you better take some hot soup and pour it all over your nose.

Little Girl: [ shocked again ] Why?

Voice of Soupman: Because there's nothing better for a stuffy nose than nice, hot soup.

Little Girl: Why?

Voice of Soupman: Because the Soupman says so.

[ Little Girl painfully does as told, pouring the bowl of soup over her nose. Then, she puts down the bowl and tries to eat whatever soup remains in the bowl ]

Announcer: [ reading slogan on screen ] Creeley's Soup. The child handler.

[ fade to black ]

[ fade up on audience wide shot, zoom in on woman with SUPER: "Has Every Known Annoying Habit" ]

[ fade ]


Submitted by: Tony DuMont


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