Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 18





76r: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick

Emily Litella in Love

Emily Litella.....Gilda Radner
.....Jane Curtin

[ open on Emily Litella sitting in the locker room plucking the petals off of a daisy ]

Emily Litella: He loves me... he loves me not...

[ Jane Curtin enters and sits ]

Jane Curtin: Hi, Emily!

Emily Litella: Ohhh!! Oh, Jane, you scared me! I thought it was one of the boys trying to sneaking into the dressing room and get a look at my panties!

Jane Curtin: Emily, are you okay?

Emily Litella: Oh, Jane... can I confide in you?

Jane Curtin: Woman to woman?

Emily Litella: Yes. [ beaming ] I've just met this LOVELY man, and -- and he's really got the BEST of me!

Jane Curtin: [ chuckles pleasantly ] Emily! You and a man? That's incredible!

Emily Litella: [ annoyed ] What's so incredible about it?!!

Jane Curtin: Well... nothing, I -- I just thought that you were past that, you know --

Emily Litella: Just because a woman's over 40 doesn't mean she can't get HOT! What's the matter with you?!

Jane Curtin: I didn't mean anything by it. Oh, by the way -- have you prepared anything for tonight's "Weekend Update"?

Emily Litella: Oh, Jane, I was meaning to speak to you about that. No! I haven't -- I can't think of anything to talk about.

Jane Curtin: Emily, "Update" goes on in a half an hour!

Emily Litella: Well, I know, but, you see, I have other things on my mind.

Jane Curtin: Like what?

Emily Litella: Love.

Jane Curtin: Oh, that's terrific, Emily. But it stil doesn't solve my "Update" problem.

Emily Litella: But, Jane, don't you understand? I'm in LOVE! All I can do is THINK about him! I'm HOT! Red Hot! I mean... you can melt BUTTER all over prts of my body! I mean, my heart's beating in places it's never beaten before!

Jane Curtin: Okay, okay, okay...

Emily Litella: But, Jane, you see, this man really brings out the ANIMAL in me! I mean... [ singing ] "He makes me feel... He makes me feel... He makes me feel like a nat-ion-al woman!"

Jane Curtin: "Natural".

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] "Oh, baby! Whatcha gonna beeee...?"

Jane Curtin: Emily.

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] "Makes me feel so good..!"

Jane Curtin: Emily!

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] "Oh, I..."

Jane Curtin: EMILY!!!

Emily Litella: What?!

Jane Curtin: [ solemnly ] "He makes me feel... like a natural woman." Not "national" -- "natural".

Emily Litella: Ohhhhh. I must have gotten carried away. Oh.

Jane Curtin: I suppose now you're gonna say "Never mind."

Emily Litella: Oh, no.

Jane Curtin: What, then?

Emily Litella: I'm gonna say... "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night"!


SNL Transcripts