76t: Eric Idle / Alan Price, Neil Innes
Pretty Girl.....Laraine Newman
Bathroom Man.....Eric Idle
Uninsured Man.....Neil Innes
Insurance Salesman.....Garrett Morris
Drunk Man.....Neil Innes
Stumbling Man.....Gary Weis
Loonie Man.....Eric Idle
Dead Man.....Gary Weis
[ open film on a woman jogging, as a burly-looking man sits on a park bench off to the side and watches ]
Eric Idle V/O: Not many people realize that body language is as important to us as speech. Unconciously, we read what other people are saying by their body language.
[ pan across park to find Man slumping forward on a bench ]
For example, look at the way this man's body says: "I am unhappy. I am miserable and tense, and lonely." Now, let's see what happens when a pretty girl comes along.
[ a pretty girl strolls along the walk, and stops to sit across from the slumping man ]
The girl's body language says that she is not doing anything this evening, apart from watching television and maybe washing her hair.
[ she lights a cigarette and crosses her legs ]
[ cut to the man, still slumping forward in her direction ]
The man first signals that he is interested...
[ the man straightens his posture, then spreads his arms and legs wide apart ]
And, then, VERY interested.
[ the woman reacts by mimicking his posture and looking at her watch ]
The woman signals, that she, too, is interested... but has a dental appointment.
[ the man tries to casually light a cigarette, but fumbles with his cigarette box and spills his cigarettes onto the grounf ]
The man, however, becomes nervous and embarrassed.
[ the woman closes her legs, stands with her legs crosses, and shirls away from the scene ]
And, alas, the female feels rejected, and goes away miserable and unhappy ]
[ cut to a man standing in the middle of the road with his knees locked together ]
This man wants to visit the bathroom. You see how his body tells us this?
[ cut to an Uninsured Man standing in the middle of the street darting out of the way of incoming traffic ]
This man wishes that he were better insured. See what a simple prey he is for a clever insurance salesman who can read body language.
[ an Insurance Salesman runs forward with a contract ]
A quick piece of business... and the deal is done! He can now cross the road with complete peace of mind.
[ the Uninsured Man walks off-camera into the street, as the Insurance Salesman watches. Tires screech, and the Insurance Salesman stares into the camera with a worried expression upon his face. ]
[ cut to Passerby at a pay phone, as a Foreignor taps him on the shoulder ]
This man is a foreignor.
[ the Foreignor makes unusual body gestures ]
See how his body language is different. He is asking the way to a restaurant, but the passerby does not understand him...
[ the Passerby pulls out a gun, points it at the foreignor's head, and shoots ]
...and shoots him. What a pity.
[ cut to a man stumbling along the side of a building ]
Here are some more common examples of body language: "I am drunk."
[ cut to Hippie squatted behind a bush as he falls over ]
"I am stoned."
[ cut to a man tripping on the sidewalk ]
"I am a klutz."
[ cut to man with his hands covering his face ]
"I have terrible acne."
[ cut to Hooker leaning against lamppost ]
"I am available for sophisticated sexual activity at a reasonable rate, to be determined by mutual free-exchange open bargaining."
[ cut to man peering out from behind a tree as he beats his own head ]
"I am a loonie."
[ cut to man lying on sidewalk ]
"I am dead."
[ cut to the group of people assuming different poses and movements in the park ]
Body language. Maybe if we could all read it, the world would be a better place.
[ dissolve to title card: "An Idle-Weis Production" ]
[ dissolve to audience wide shot, zoom in on woman with SUPER: "Has Already Set Clock Ahead" ]
[ fade ]