76u: Shelley Duvall / Joan Armatrading
Baba Wawa At Large
Baba Wawa.....Gilda Radner
Richard Burton.....Bill Murray
[ title card: "Baba Wawa At Large" ]
[ dissolve to Baba Wawa, seated on stage next to Richard Burton ]
Baba Wawa: Hewwo! I'm Baba Wawa, and wewcome to "Baba Wawa at Wawge"! Continuing with my vewy pewsonal and weveawing in-depth intewviews with the wenowned! It's my pweasuh to give a Baba Wawa hewwo to the man who was mawwied wongest to Wiz Taywuh -- Mistuh Wichud Buhton!
Richard Burton: Thank you, BABA! I truly, truly mean this, from the DEPTHS of my heart when I tell you that I LOVE your show and I watch you ALL the time!
Baba Wawa: [ she giggles ] Well, thank you, Wichud!It's so wonduhfuh to heaw the sounds that woll ovuh yuh wywics! Uh, to heaw -- to heaw them revuhbuhwate thwough a cwowded theatuh or bwake wite buhbs with that wich, wich tweet!
Richard Burton: BABA! Would you please get out of my WRETCHED life? You're much too KIND! But, you see, this is just my STAGE voice, which I use for PROJECTION purposes! What my REAL voice is, is sort of a southern Great Lakes/Midwestern, uh, sort of voice, sort of like THIS: [ with a nerdy tone ] "Hey, girls? Where's the cast party?"
Baba Wawa: [ she chuckles ] Ohhhh, Wichud! Wet's get down to bwass tacks. Uh -- a wot of peopuh awe cuwious to know: are you stihh a wush who dwinks wike a jewwyfish?
Richard Burton: No, I haven't touched a DROP of John Barleycorn for FIVE weeks!
Baba Wawa: [ she chuckles ] Oh, well, that's a wemawkabuh achievement for, uh -- a, uh -- wituhwee wefowmed ahcohowic!
Richard Burton: [ he laughs ] Well, I was in a COMA for the first FOUR weeks! [ he laughs ] No, I was just KIDDING about that! Make that PERFECTLY clear, I'm KIDDING about that COMA! A lot of VICIOUS stories get started that way!
Baba Wawa: Well, uh -- Wichud, what do you think about the, uh, weedicuwous stowwies that awe witten about you?
Richard Burton: I think that the PEOPLE who WRITE them are SPINELESS PARASITES!! They are CREATURES who just make their living off of SUCKING off of other people's LIVES!! [ Baba wipes a glob of Burton's spit from her eye ] Uhhh -- this month, for example. Uh, a story DEFAMED me in the pages of Teen Time magazine! THEY had nothing good to say! Uhhh -- Tiger Beat magazine TRASHED me! Uhh -- Sixteen magazine claimed I like to get DRUNK and fly upside-down in my private plane!
Baba Wawa: Weawwy?
Richard Burton: They HATE me! They DESPISE me! And just because I'm a PARTY ANIMAL!! I like to PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! And they DON'T!!
Baba Wawa: [ she chuckles ] Well, Wichud... you wed and wuvved Ewizabeth Taywuh -- uh, you showuhed huh with emwahds and wubies and gave huh the wahget WOCK in the WOHWD! What was Wiz wiwwy wike, Wichud?
Richard Burton: Elizabeth Taylor was not only a very INTELLIGENT woman, in addition to being a very TALENTED actress.. but she's also a very HOT tomato, if you know what I mean. [ he pulls out his wallet from his back pocket ] You ought to take a look at these PICTURES I've got of her -- it's UNBELIEVABLE! [ pulls pictures of Liz Taylor from his wallet ] Look at THIS -- look at THIS! You believe THAT?!
Baba Wawa: Oooohhh, weawwy!
Richard Burton: Yeah, here she is! SWIMSUIT! You see what I see!
Baba Wawa: Yes!
Richard Burton: I used to be MARRIED to THAT! Do you believe that? Every night! Whenever I want it! I was MARRIED to it! I HAD her! I threw it away! [ a beat ] Oh, am I STUPID! [ Baba chuckles as Murray falls back into his own voice ] Really! Maybe I'm losing my accent again, but I really BLEW it that time! [ he puts his wallet away ]
Baba Wawa: Wichud! Wichud! Cawm down! Befaw you go, wood you do us a favuh? Wood you wecite something faw us?
Richard Burton: BABAAAA!! It would be a privilege! [ he begins ] "Each evening... from December to December... before you drift to sleep upon your cot... think back upon all the tales you remember... of Camelot."
Baba Wawa: Ohhhh! That's fwum "Camewot"!
Richard Burton: No, that's "Cam-e-LOT"!
Baba Wawa: Ohhhhh, I WUV that show! I have the ahbum, and I know ahh the songs by hawt! [ singing ] "If evuh I wood weeeeave yooooouuuuu!" [ she stops ] But, Wichud... I've heawd "Camewot" a wot! Uhhh -- can you, uh -- don't you know any thing ewse?
Richard Burton: By HEART?
Baba Wawa: Yes.
Richard Burton: [ thinking ] No! Just THIS: "Each evening... from December to December... before you drift to sleep upon your cot --"
Baba Wawa: [ to the camera ] Wadies and gentuhmen... I know it sounds a bit bizaww... but we've wun out of time! I'd wike to thank Wichud Buhton! [ she giggles ]
Richard Burton: Thank YOU, BABAAAAA!!!
Baba Wawa: This is Baba Wawa saying... good night!
Richard Burton: Bye, BYYYYE!!
[ fade ]