Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 22







76v: Buck Henry / Jennifer Warnes, Kenny Vance

The Spirit of St. Louis

Narrator.....Dan Aykroyd
Charles Lindbergh.....Buck Henry
Land Shark.....Chevy Chase

[ open on archival photograph of Charles Lindbergh and the Spirit of St. Louis ]

[ Music: "Lucky Lindy" ]

Narrator: Fifty years ago today, a quiet, determined man named Charles Lindbergh was greeted by thousands of cheering Parisians as he landed his Spirit of St. Louis at ?? Field. Other crews had attempted a transatlantic flight, and had died trying. But the Lone Eagle did it alone, challenging the ocean and drowsiness for thirty-three grueling hours on his way to immortality.

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Charles Lindbergh: [ checks his watch ] Only thirty-two hours to go.

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

Narrator: And that was just the first few grueling minutes of the thirty-three grueling hours.

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Narrator: Once he left the Jersey coast, night and fog closed in. Unable to see in the darkness, Lindbergh could not tell how far above the ocean his Spirit of St. Louis was flying. And, at times, the Lone Eagle swooped perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic.

Charles Lindbergh: I wonder if I'm perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic. [ he opens the window to peer out, and is splashed by a wave ] Yes, I am.

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

Narrator: Yet, Lindy's greatest danger was his own fatigue. Alone in the tiny cockpit, he talked to himself to keep awake.

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Charles Lindbergh: [ yawning ] Oh boy, am I tired! I gotta stay awake, though. If I could just stay awake, someday they'll be singing a song about this! [ singing ] "Lucky Bergie, staying awake..." no, no, no, not Bergie! Charlie's my name. It's Charlie! [ singing ] "Lucky Charlie..." Wait a minute. [ singing ] "Charlie kinda knew! Charlie kinda WOW!! Charlie!" [ he shakes his head no ]

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

Narrator: And always at hand was his trusty thermos of hot tea.

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Charles Lindbergh: [ pours a cap of tea from his thermos and drinks ] That's the last of the hot tea... [ he places the empty thermos on the floor and begins to pee into it ]

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

Charles Lindbergh V/O: Gee, I wish there was someone to talk to in here...

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Charles Lindbergh: Wait a minute... I know. [ he fashions a handkerchief around his hand ] Stewardess! Oh, Stewardess! [ moves his fingers like a puppet ] Yes, sir? Could I have some more macademia nuts, please? Right away, sir! Uh, would you like to see a movie? Is there any extra charge? Not for you, big boy! Ah! [ he leans back to turn a projector on ] Wait a minute, Stewardess. I've seen this movie before! [ he turns the projector off ] Don't you have any magazines? Certainly, sir! We have "Spicy Stories" and "French Marbles". Really? Let me see! [ he reaches down and retrieves a copy of "Spicy Stories" ] Hmm... golly! "Spicy Stories"! [ to his hand ] I think it's time for you to take a nap, Stewardess!

[ he lowers his hand to his lap and begins to flip the magazine's pages with his free hand, as the cockpit shakes ]

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Narrator: Then, turbulence! Yes, unexpected turbulence suddenly jerked the plane off... course! Course! The brave young aviator struggled vainly against sleep, and, once again, he swooped perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic.

[ Lindbergh places the magazine down, then closes his eyes and falls asleep ]

Narrator: Wake up! You're perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic!

Charles Lindbergh: [ opens his eyes ] I wonder if I am perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic. [ he opens the window to peer out, and is splashed by a wave ] Yep!

[ dissolve to stock footage of the plane in flight ]

Narrator: Up there in the dark, the plucky young American flyer found comfort in thoughts of the Almighty.

[ dissolve to Charles Lindbergh flying in the cockpit ]

Charles Lindbergh: God? I'm tired...

Narrator: Yet, once again the Lone Eagle swooped perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic!

Charles Lindbergh: [ his heart no longer fully into this routine ] I wonder if, once again, I am perilously close to the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic.

[ he opens the window to peer out, only to be greeted by the theme from "Jaws" and the head of the Land Shark peeking over the window ]

Land Shark: Mr. Lindbar... brown... bing...?

Charles Lindbergh: What?

Land Shark: Captain Lindmare... burr... bear... burr...?

Charles Lindbergh: Who's that?

Land Shark: Candy-gram.

Charles Lindbergh: [ confused ] I didn't order any candy!

Land Shark: Um... exterminator.

Charles Lindbergh: I -- I don't need an exterminator! I'm flying solo to Paris!

Land Shark: M-maps... Paris maps.

Charles Lindbergh: I've GOT a map!

Land Shark: Compass.

Charles Lindbergh: And I've GOT a compass!! Now leave me alone!

Land Shark: Amphetamines.

Charles Lindbergh: [ smiles ] Well, okay... I guess we could chat for a while!

Land Shark: C-could you slow down a bit? I-I can't keep up.

Charles Lindbergh: Are you swimming?

Land Shark: I'm running.

Charles Lindbergh: You're running?!

Land Shark: Yes, sir. I'm running.

Charles Lindbergh: You mean... I'm on land, finally? I've made it to Paris?! I've gone all the way to France?!

Land Shark: Oui, oui, Monsieur.

[ Lindbergh smiles, as as his face is superimposed over crowds of French citizens awaiting his arrival on the ground ]

Narrator: And so, Charles Lindbergh managed to stay awake during man's first solo flight all the way across the inky deeps of the icy Atlantic! With nothing but a simple compass, a thermos of hot tea, and nine cheap jokes. He became a legend in his own time, that lucky, lucky Lindy.

[ Music Out: "Lucky Lindy" ]

[ dissolve to audience wide shot, zoom in on man with SUPER: "Worships False TV Idols" ]

[ fade ]


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