Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 1






77a: Steve Martin / Jackson Browne

National Express Card

Bert Lance.....John Belushi
President Jimmy Carter.....Dan Aykroyd

[ SUPER: "An Oval Office" ]

President Jimmy Carter: You're.. you're my best friend. I'm gonna miss you. You know, in a way, I feel like it's my fault you had to resign, because.. I set examples that were impossible to live with - even for someone who's just the slightest bit corrupt. I mean, you certainly did nothing illegal. And probably nothing.. unethical. And only a few things that were really sleazy. Bert, I'm proud of you. I'm gonna miss you. [ cries, hugs Bert ] I hope you can iron out your financial difficulties when you get back to Calhoun.

[ Bert Lance turns toward the camera ]

Bert Lance: Do you remember me? I'm Bert Lance. I used to be Director of the Office of Managing the Budget. But still, a lot of people don't recognize my face. That's why I carry this. [ holds up card ] The National Express Card. The most honored credit card the world over. With it, I can borrow hundreds of thousands without paying interest. Whether it's throwing a prty, financing a political campaign, or just putting up collateral for another loan. National Express gives me the credibility I need. Maybe my old friend Jimmy Carter doesn't need one, but you and I do. The National Express Card - don't leave office without it!

[ show image of card, with name "Bert Lance" typing across it ]

President Jimmy Carter: Well, there's, uh, nothing else left to say.. except.. "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


SNL Transcripts