Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 2

77b: Madeline Kahn / Taj Mahal

The Trial of Lee Harry Oswald

Reporter.....Dan Aykroyd
Lee Harry Oswald.....Bill Murray
Pie Thrower.....John Belushi
Guard.....Mitchell Laurance
Deputy.....Andy Murphy
Other Reporters.....Al Franken, Jim Downey, Tom Schiller, Alan Zweibel

[ open on announcer slide: ]

Announcer: Due to the mature subject matter of the following broadcast, parental guidance is suggested.

[ slide two: ]

Announcer: The following ABC mini-series is based upon historical fact.

[ slide three: ]

Announcer: However some of the names and events have been changed to make the program more entertaining.

[ cut to black-and-white corridor scene filled with reporters ]

[ slide three temporarily superimposes upon the screen once more, as Reporter addresses the camera ]

Reporter: In a moment --

[ slide four appears: "THE TRIAL OF LEE HARRY OSWALD" ]

[ Dan Aykroyd is momentarily flummoxed by the technical glitch ]

[ Caption: "Houston, November 1964" ]

Reporter: In a moment, Lee Harry Oswald, the man police say shot President John F. Curry, will be brought down this corridor toward a waiting car and then transported to Houston County Jail, where he will probably remain until his trial.

[ from the far end of the corridor, Oswald is led toward the reporters by a guard and a deputy ]

Reporter: Uh -- there seems to be some, uh, activity now -- yes! There's Oswald now. Now, police claim that they have an airtight case against him. Oswald's motive appears to have been jealousy -- evidently, the handsome young president had been having an affair with Oswald's wife, the beautiful Boshai ballerina, Marina Harry Oswald. Of course, uh -- police have the gun -- Oswald denies ANY knowledge of this. And, uh -- he will be under, uh -- heavy and federal state guard --

[ a man jumps from the crowd ]

Reporter: Wait! A man just jumped out the crowd -- an overweight man has --

[ the man shoves a cream pie into Oswald's face, then grins proudly at the camera as the reporters clamor ]


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