Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 4







77d: Charles Grodin / Paul Simon

Simon & Garfunkel

.....Charles Grodin
.....Paul Simon
.....Art Garfunkel

[ open on Paul Simon strumming his guitar onstage next to Charles Grodin, who's wearing an obvious Art Garfunkel wig ]

[ Simon begins to sing "The Sound of Silence", as Grodin clumsily tries to keep up ]

Paul Simon & Charles Grodin: [ singing ]
"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain..."

[ Simon stops playing and turns to Grodin ]

Paul Simon: Can I ask you a question?

Charles Grodin: Sure.

Paul Simon: Why are we doing this?

Charles Grodin: Well... you know, they cut my film clip way down. And I really don't feel I have all that much to do on the show, so I-I-I-I'd really apprecia-- Could we just... a little...?

[ Simon reluctantly strums his guitar and continues to sing, with Grodin struggling to keep up and get most of the words right ]

Paul Simon & Charles Grodin: [ singing ]
"In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash..."

[ Simon stops once again ]

Paul Simon: Chuck, you don't even know the lyrics!

Charles Grodin: Well... I really -- I'm learning them as we're going.

Paul Simon: Chuck, this is live television. This is not the time to be learning.

Charles Grodin: I -- I'm much more familiar with what's coming up. Could we just, a little... a little more?

[ Simon begins to strum his guitar, but then quickly stops ]

Paul Simon: You know... and another thing -- the wig! Why are you wearing this wig? It looks like an Art Garfunkel wig.

Charles Grodin: Oh, it is an Art Garfunkel wig.

Paul Simon: But why?

Charles Grodin: Well... I-I-I just thought it would help me get into it a little better.

Paul Simon: It's very disquieting, to me, to see out of the corner of my eye, these blond, curly hairs singing this song.

Charles Grodin: Oh. [ he hangs his head in shame ]

Paul Simon: You know, Chuck, I must say this -- you are a very well-known actor... you're a director...

Charles Grodin: And writer.

Paul Simon: -- You're a writer... as well... and I don't see why you feel that you must sing.

Charles Grodin: Well... clearly, clearly, I've made you uncomfortable, and I --

Paul Simon: Well, no, no...

Charles Grodin: No, and this is obviously an idea whose...

Paul Simon: Time has not come?

Charles Grodin: Has not come.

Paul Simon: Not come. No.

Charles Grodin: Well -- listen, I'm sorry. You know? As the host, I should be trying to make you comfortable, and I've made you uncomfortable.

Paul Simon: No, that's alright... don't mention it. [ he unplugs his guitar ] And I think that the time you save now, could be put to much better use later on in the show.

Charles Grodin: Well...

Paul Simon: [ he stands ] So...

Charles Grodin: Thank you for putting up with me as long as you did.

Paul Simon: Oh... [ he pats Grodin on the shoulder ]

Charles Grodin: Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen -- Mr. Paul Simon!

[ the audience applauds wildly as Simon walks away ]

Charles Grodin: [ to the house band ] Uh... would you hit the intro that, uh...?

[ the band strikes up "Bridge Over Troubled Water", which Grodin sings badly off-key ]

Charles Grodin: [ singing ]
"When you're weary... feeling small When tears are in... your eyes
I will dry them all Whoooooooooooo!"


Charles Grodin: Um... I'll tell you -- is that the right key? I guess it is the right key, too. Uh... could I hear that back... uh, Lorne? Could I just hear that back? I'm...

[ the vocals are played back, as Grodin listens to them carefully ]

Charles Grodin V/O: [ singing ]
"When you're weary... feeling small
When tears are in... your eyes
I will dry them all
Whoooooooooooo!"

Charles Grodin: [ glancing down the stage, surprised ] Oh... Art!

[ Art Garfunkel steps up, to thunderous applause ]

Charles Grodin: It's great, it's great to see you! Uh, listen, Art, I didn't know you were here! I would never...

Art Garfunkel: What are you doing?

Charles Grodin: I... Well, see -- I had a film clip in the show, and it was cut way down. I never would have done this if you...

Art Garfunkel: Chuck, hand it over!

[ Grodin sheepishly pulls off his Garfunkel wig and hands it over ]

Charles Grodin: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. i'm really sorry.

Art Garfunkel: Thanks, Chuck.

[ Garfunkel walks off the stage, as Grodin sheepishly follws him ]

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts




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