Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 5

77e: Ray Charles

Brother Ray Meets Mr. Mike

Written by: Michael O'Donoghue

... Ray Charles
Mr. Mike ... Michael O'Donoghue
... and the entire cast

[Home Base. The entire cast stands around the grand piano as Ray Charles sits at the keyboard and plays. The female cast members sing Charles' hit version of "I Can't Stop Loving You" ... like whitebread Raylettes.]

Jane, Laraine & Gilda: [singing] I can't stop loving you

John Belushi: [slips on sunglasses, imitates Charles, sings]
It's useless to say
[Applause but then Belushi sings the wrong line:]
To live in memory ... of a lonesome time
[Belushi and Charles crack up at the error]
Sing the song...

Jane, Laraine & Gilda: [singing] I can't stop wanting you

Ray Charles: [also sings the wrong line, to applause and much amusement from the cast]
I've made up my mind
So I'll just live my life
In dreams of yesterday

[The song ends. Applause.]

John Belushi: You picked up on it.

Ray Charles: Yeah, I picked up on it.

John Belushi: He picked up on it.

Ray Charles: I - I take it it's music you like...

[The evil Mr. Mike -- a thin, bearded man in dark suit and glasses -- quietly approaches the group.]

John Belushi: But, you know, you sound like Ray Charles but I look like him, you know.

Ray Charles: Mm hmm. I see.

John Belushi: You know "I Don't Need No Doctor"?

Mr. Mike: Hi, kids.

Laraine & Gilda: Oh, hi, Mr. Mike!

John Belushi: Hi, Mr. Mike!

Mr. Mike: Hey, I don't mean to break up the fun here but we have a little surprise for Ray.

All: Ooooh! A surprise! Okay, surprise.

[The cast steps away from the piano. Mr. Mike stands next to a painting covered with a red velvet covering and addresses the audience.]

Mr. Mike: You know, we've kidded Ray a lot tonight but blindness is nothing to kid about. So, we at Saturday Night, with the network, set up sort of a matching fund and we were able to purchase this lovely painting in appreciation of Ray Charles and the courageous example he sets for all of us -- besides being one heck of a good sport. And, so, in Ray's name, we're donating this painting to the Lighthouse of the Blind, in the hope that someday all will be able to see it. Let me just, uh, pull the string here and give you to look at what I'm talking about. [removes the covering to reveal a frame without a painting, just big red block letters that read: PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM!] It was painted in 1909 by the French Impressionist Claude Monet and it's entitled, as you may have already guessed, "The Old Windmill." Uh, there's that shimmering iridescence, the, uh, subtle interplay between light and shadow that Monet was famous for. Hard to describe really, you sort of have to see it. [approaches piano] Ray, I'm sure there's something you want to say.

Ray Charles: Well, I would like to say that - that - that out of all the awards that I've received, I - I - I gotta tell ya, this one, without doubt, makes me the happiest, so let me thank you, Mr. Mike, and I also would like to thank all the wonderful people on Saturday Night Live who've made this week so much fun. Thank you.

Mr. Mike: Hey. Well said. [pats Charles on the shoulder]

Ray Charles: All right. [applause, the cast gathers around the piano again]

Mr. Mike: Listen, Ray, I'm sorry. I gotta run. I'll see ya later at the party, pal.

Ray Charles: Okay. See ya, Mr. Mike.

All: Bye, Mr. Mike. Bye bye.

[Mr. Mike exits. Charles lowers his voice conspiratorially.]

Ray Charles: Now, what Mr. Mike doesn't know ... is, at the party, are going to be ten or twelve of the biggest black dudes he's ever seen in his life. And they're gonna whoop him upside his head and break every bone in his body. So please don't tell him! We'll be right back, right after this next filmed message.

[Much applause and laughter from both cast and audience.]

Submitted Anonymously

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