Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 5

77e: Ray Charles

Evelyn Woodski Slow Reading Course

Announcer ... Dan Aykroyd
Man ... Garrett Morris
Woman ... Jane Curtin
Surgeon ... Bill Murray
... Ray Charles

Announcer V/O: [The following words rapidly appear on a blue screen as they are read by the fast-talking announcer:] This is the way you were taught to read, averaging hundreds or thousands of words per minute. [The words disappear and the following words gradually appear as they are read by the same announcer, very slowly:] This is ... the way ... you could ... be reading ... with the ... EVELYN WOODSKI ... slow ... reading ... course.

[Dissolve to a pipe-smoking man at a desk.]

Man: Sure, I was skeptical. I think everybody is. But, believe me, I can now read ten, maybe twelve times slower than before.

[Cut to a woman in an easy chair as she reads a book, running her index finger slowly along the text. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing.]

Woman: [serious, to the camera] I used to be a heavy speed reader and I never laughed when I read Mark Twain. But, now that I take my time, I find him very funny. Did you know that reading all the words in a story can help you understand the humor?

[Cut to a surgeon in full surgical garb, including mask and rubber gloves.]

Surgeon: I'm a brain surgeon and, uh, I used to just fly through these technical medical journals, you know? And I found I was makin' a lot of mistakes in the operating room. And now, with the Evelyn Woodski slow reading course, I catch more o' the important procedural stuff, you know? And I find I'm a better surgeon for it.

[Dissolve back to the blue screen.]

Announcer V/O: Yes, Evelyn Woodski can help you enjoy reading again. [suddenly loud, rapid] Whyreadlikethis?! [Text appears quickly on screen: "Why should you have to read like this?" - then disappears; the following words gradually appear as they are read by the same announcer, very slowly:] When ... you ... can ... read ... like this?

[Dissolve to Ray Charles, seated in easy chair, reading a book in Braille.]

Ray Charles: And there's ... Evelyn ... Woodski's ... slow ... reading .... course ... for Braille. I used to ... get ... blisters ... on my ... fingers. [laughter and applause] Now ... I just ... sit ... back and enjoy.

[Dissolve to graphic of a shelf of books with superimposed text reading: EVELYN WOODSKI SLOW READING COURSE 555-2972]

Announcer V/O: Evelyn Woodski slow reading course! Call 555-2972! Call now on this toll free number for your first ... free ... lesson.


Submitted Anonymously

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