Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 9


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:



Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


January 21st, 1978

Steve Martin

The Dirt Band

Randy Newman

None

None

Mitchell Laurance

State of the Union 1978
Summary: Walter Mondale (Bill Murray), Tip O'Neil (John Belushi), and other attending politicians react with boredom to President Jimmy Carter's (Dan Aykroyd) State of the Union Address.

Recurring Characters: President Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Tip O'Neil.

Transcript


Montage


Steve Martin's Monologue
Summary: Steve Martin accuses John Belushi of stealin $59, electrocutes himself, then tells the audience how they can be a millionaire and never pay taxes.

First Hosted: 76e.

Transcript


Swill
Summary: A traveling salesman (Bill Murray) savors the flavor of the mineral weater dredged from Lake Erie.

Note: Repeat from: 77b.


The Mystery of Bigfoot
Summary: Park Ranger (Steve Martin) doesn't realize that the friendly mountaineer (John Belushi) with large feet is the supposed Bigfoot create he's been hunting.

Transcript


The Festrunk Brothers
Summary: Jorge (Steve Martin) and Yortuk Festrunk (Dan Aykroyd) are prepared to swing with a pair of computer dates, fully expecting them to be American girls with big breasts and not like-minded Croatian woman (Jane Curtin, Laraien Newman).

Recurring Characters: Jorge Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk, Cliff.

Transcript


Dirt Band performs "On the Loose with the Blues"


Body Floss
Summary: The Swedish cleaning string that makes hygeine fun.


Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan Aykroyd
Summary: Consumer reporter Roseanne Roseannadanna (Gilda Radner) wanders from a commentary on a viewer's heating problem to her disgust with toenails.

Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna.

Transcript


Randy Newman performs "Short People" & "Rider In The Rain"
First Performed: 75b.


Family Feud
Summary: The Conehead Family (Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman) compete against the Romaine lettuce-loving Mel Family (Steve Marton, Gilda Radner, John Belushi).

Recurring Characters: Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.

Transcript


Hollywood Homes
Summary: Steve Martin gives a tour of the outsides of the homes of his "close personal friends."


What If?
Summary: Joan Cage (Jane Curtin) and her panel of experts consider the hypothetical prospect of Napoleon (John Belushi) with a B-52 bomber.


Steve Martin and Dirt Band performs "White Russia"


Goodnights
Transcript



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