Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 12






77k: Chevy Chase / Billy Joel

Conversation After Sex

Man.....Chevy Chase
Woman.....Gilda Radner

[ a couple begin a conversation after having sex ]

Man: You want a cigarette?

Woman: No, thanks, I don't smoke.

Man: Oh, good. Neither do I. [ pause ] That was terrific. How was it for you?

Woman: Okay.

Man: Was it just "okay", or was it "really okay"?

Woman: Well, it was "really just okay".

Man: Did you, uh.. did you.. hmm? Did you have, uh..?

Woman: Couldn't you tell?

Man: Well, I'm not very good at those things. I can't figure those things out too good. They confuse me.

Woman: Well, why did you ask?

Man: Well, you know, I figured we've just been very intimate, as intimate as you can be, you know? And, uh.. I'd feel sort of guilty if only one of us was satisfied, you know? I mean, it's not like I didn't try..

Woman: Oh, I know.

Man: Well, did you?

Woman: Well, look, don't worry. Sometimes I do, and I don't even know it.

Man: Huh? I've never heard of that before. When it happens to me, I know it.

Woman: Well, girls are different, you know? I didn't even know I was allowed to have one 'til I went away to college.

Man: Do you usually have one, though?

Woman: Well, you see, it's like this - I never really feel them immediately. It's sorta like they, uh.. kind of store up, and then I feel them all at once. Usually, on the first day of Purim. A lot of girls are like that.

Man: Well, then.. you mean, you did have one?

Woman: Well..

Man: You might have.

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Good. I feel better.

Woman: Could you hold me?

Man: What?

Woman: Well, I just wondered if you'd hold me. I mean, we've been so close and everything.. and I like that part, the holding part. I like that as much as the other part.

Man: Well, sure. I like that, too. [ they adjust themselves for comfort ] Can I ask you something personal?

Woman: Sure.

Man: Um.. I don't want to pry.. but, who's Phil?

Woman: How do you know about Phil?

Man: Well, in the middle of it, you said his name, you know?

Woman: Oh, gee. I'm sorry.

Man: It's okay. Who is he?

Woman: Well, Phil's my old boyfriend. We broke up a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, really..

Man: Oh, no, no.. That's okay, I understand. I was just wondering, that's all. It's okay..

Woman: You mind if I ask you a personal question?

Man: Of course. Shoot.

Woman: Who's Terry? Right in the middle of everything, you said, "Terry."

Man: I'm Terry. Terry Forrester?

Woman: Oh, I remember! You told me at the party! Right.

Man: That's just sort of a habit, from all those night alone. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings..

Woman: Terry?

Man: Yeah?

Woman: Can I ask you another question?

Man: Yeah, sure.

Woman: Who's Mommy?

Man: I said "Mommy"?

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Mommy's my middle name - Terry "Mommy" Forrester, I swear!

Woman: I believe you.

Man: I know that sounds funny.. Well, it's getting pretty late. What time do you have to get up for work?

Woman: Well, my boss is out of town, I don't have to go in 'til the afternoon.

Man: Wow, you're lucky. I've got a 9:30 class, it takes me 45 minutes to get there.

Woman: Class?

Man: Yeah.

Woman: I thought you said you pitched for the Yankees?

Man: I did? Yeah.. well..

Woman: You even promised you'd give me tickets for opening day..

Man: Look, I was lying. I just.. I'll level with you. I just wanted you to go home with me. I wanted to take you home, I thought it would sound a little better if I told you I was pitching for the Yankees. I figured if I told you I'm teaching Driver's Ed for Rodell Junior High, you know..?

Woman: I understand. You must really like baseball.

Man: Never miss a game.

Woman: Yeah, me either. Especially the Yankees. I follow them closely, like I know the whole roster.

Man: Well, why did you let me lie to you like that?

Woman: Well, I didn't want to embarrass you, and I was afraid you wouldn't take me home.. and I knew you'd tell me the truth, eventually.

Man: Well, that's real nice of you. That's real nice. I've gotta go. [ gets up ]

Woman: Well, where are you going?

Man: I told you - I've got an early class.. I've gotta get ready..

Woman: Well, you can stay, if you want to.

Man: I can?

Woman: Sure. It's your apartment.

[ the Man turns the lamp off, as they both fall asleep ]

[ pull out to studio wide shot, with SUPER: "coming up next... How To Tell Shields From Yarnell" ]

[ fade ]


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