77k: Chevy Chase / Billy Joel
Somewhere In France, 1944
Sarge ... John Belushi
Wolinski ... Chevy Chase
1st German ... Bill Murray
2nd German ... Dan Aykroyd
Washington ... Garrett Morris
[Black and white stock footage of tanks in battle in the European theater of the Second World War. Ominous military music: brass and percussion. A superimposed text reads: "SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE 1944" -- Dissolve to a trio of American soldiers guarding a dirt road. The
scene itself, like the stock footage, is in black and white.]
Sarge: Hey! You hear somethin'?
[The three soldiers grab their weapons and confront a
slowly approaching motorcycle.]
Sarge: Halt! [The motorcyclist brakes and shuts off
his engine.] What's the password?
1st German: [seated in the motorcycle's sidecar, wearing monocle, speaking with a thick German accent] Apple.
Sarge: We've had reports there's some jerries, uh, dressed up in GI uniforms tryin' to sneak behind our lines. Yeah, we're gonna have to ask you some questions.
1st German: Ya, das ist okay.
2nd German: [the motorcyclist, with an equally thick German accent] You can't be too careful mit those krauts.
Sarge: What's the capital of Illinois?
1st German: Shpringfield.
Sarge: How 'bout Oklahoma?
1st German: Oklahoma City.
Sarge: How many quarts in a gallon?
1st German: [counts on his fingers] Ein, zwei, drei ... Four.
Sarge: [turns to the motorcyclist, jabs a pistol in
his side] You! Who was the Dragon Lady?
2nd German: In "Terry and the Pirates."
Sarge: What color are the Yankees' uniforms?
2nd German: Pinstriped, vhite mit gray.
Sarge: What's a Texas Leaguer?
2nd German: A base hit in baseball that falls between
ze infield und the outfield.
1st German: [leans in, helpfully] Usually a zingle.
2nd German: Zo named for a minor league in Texas.
1st German: Capital, Austin.
2nd German: The weight of ze baseball -- [turns smugly
to the 1st German who mouths it along with him:] --
three point eight ounces!
Sarge: Okay, okay. Tell me who this is. Wolinski, do
Wolinski: All right, Sarge. [leans his rifle on the motorcycle and does a terrible imitation of American movie star James Cagney] You dirty rat! You killed my brother!
Sarge: [to the Germans] Okay, now, who was it?
[The 1st German whispers to the second.]
2nd German: [to Sarge] Paul Whiteman. [pronounces the
famous American bandleader's name as "Viteman"]
Sarge: No, no, no, no. [to Wolinski] Try it again. Do
it again. [to the Germans] He does it better. [to
Wolinski] Go 'head.
Wolinski: [hands his rifle to the 2nd German] Hold
that for a sec, please. [does a slightly better Cagney
imitation] You dirty rat! You killed my brother!
[Sarge, Wolinski and the third American soldier,
Washington, crack up at the imitation but the Germans
haven't a clue who it is. They whisper and decide to
take a guess.]
1st German: Ike. [The Americans instantly get tense
and raise their weapons at the Germans] No, not Ike.
Uh, I meant, Walter Winchell. [pronounces the famous
American broadcaster's name as "Valter Vinchell"]
Washington: Yeah! Say! That's who I thought it was
when I first heard it.
Sarge: [sighs, reluctantly] Well, okay. I guess you
guys are okay. [the Americans relax and lower their
weapons] You know, you - you just can't be too
careful, though. [Sarge takes out a pack of cigarettes
and offers it to the Germans]
1st German: Cigarette?
Sarge: Yeah, here. [gives cigarettes to the Germans]
2nd German: You have to watch yourself very carefully
Sarge: Yeah. Hey, you guys got a match?
1st German: Oh, yes.
Sarge: You know, we got plenty of cigarettes up here.
They never send us any matches.
1st German: [lights cigarettes, hands matchbook to
Sarge] Mm. You can keep this.
Sarge: Hey, thanks a lot. [looks at matchbook] Hey,
what's this say? [reads aloud] Hofbrau Haus?
Wolinski: [peers over Sarge's shoulder at matchbook] Berlin?
Sarge: Berlin! [The Americans grab their rifles, the
Germans raise their hands in surrender, Wolinski and
Washington pat down the Germans, looking for weapons]
All right, krauts! Drop it, krauts! Drop it! Search
'em! Watch out for booby traps!
Wolinski: Well, that was close, Sarge.
Sarge: That sure was.
Wolinski: These jerries almost got past us. [chuckles smugly]
Sarge: That's right. But they didn't! You just can't
be too careful, you know? Ya can't trust anybody!
Washington: That's right. Say, Sarge, you know what
you should have asked 'em? "Who is the manager of the
Cleveland Indians this year?" They couldn't've
Sarge: Yeah. By the way, Washington ... who is the
manager of the Cleveland Indians this year?
Washington: Uh... you know, I'm not sure.
[Sarge and Wolinski turn their rifles on Washington
who drops his weapon.]
Sarge: Drop it, Washington! Kraut! Drop it!
Washington: [hands raised in surrender, Wolinski pats
him down] Huh?
Sarge: Drop it! All right, now, Wolinski?!
Wolinski: Yeah, Sarge?
Sarge: Who's the manager of the Indians?
Wolinski: Heh, heh, I don't know, Sarge.
Sarge: [points rifle at Wolinski who drops gun, raises
hands] Drop it! Drop it! I can't believe it! My own
men -- lousy jerries! I don't believe it! Just goes to
show you can't trust anybody!
Wolinski: Hey, Sergeant.
Wolinski: Well, you mind if I ask you somethin'?
Wolinski: Who is the manager of Cleveland, uh, this year?
Sarge: It's, uh ... uhhh ... [horrible realization] Oh, no. I'm a ... [drops his rifle] ... kraut! [raises his hands]
[The five of them remain where they are -- the Germans
seated on their motorcycle, the Americans standing
beside it -- with their hands in the air, as we pull
back and fade out to applause and more ominous