Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 12

77l: O.J. Simpson / Ashford & Simpson

Great Moments in Sports

... O.J. Simpson
Nurse ... Jane Curtin
Doctor ... Dan Aykroyd
Babe Ruth ... John Belushi
Boy ... Garrett Morris
Radio Announcer ... Bill Murray
Priest ... Tom Schiller

[Graphic reads: Great Moments in Sports. We hear piano music throughout the sketch, commenting on the action. Dissolve to O. J. Simpson who sits in an easy chair next to a table and lamp, digging through a box of Cracker Jack caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts, a book in his lap. He looks up, sees the camera is on, and hastily picks up the book to hide the Cracker Jack box.]

O.J. Simpson: Hello. As a kid, I had many idols. Men like Jackie Robinson and Willie Mays inspired me. But probably America's greatest hero was the legendary George Herman "Babe" Ruth. [Dissolve to stock footage of Babe Ruth hitting a home run and running the bases at Yankee Stadium] Born in 1895, the Babe grew up to become the New York Yankees' Sultan of Swat as well as the game's most exciting player. [Dissolve back to Simpson] The Babe loved everyone but the fans he cared the most about was America's kids. And the Babe always tried to return their love. Like the time in a New York hospital, almost forty years ago ...

[Dissolve to an image of a large building. Superimposed text reads: BRONX CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. Dissolve to a hospital room where Babe Ruth, eating a hot dog and drinking a mug of beer, confers with a doctor and nurse at the foot of a little boy's bed.]

Nurse: Thank you so much for coming, Mr. Ruth. You have no idea how much this will mean to him.

Doctor: He's your biggest fan, Babe. He listens to all the Yankees games on the radio.

Babe Ruth: Well, that's nice to hear. I like kids. I was an orphan myself. I'm sensitive to their needs.

Boy: [moaning in pain] Aaaaahhhhhhh!

Babe Ruth: How's the little colored fella anyway?

Doctor: Well ... I'll tell ya, he's, uh, he's a pretty sick boy. In fact, even he doesn't know how sick he is.

Nurse: But we think he could pull through if we just keep his spirits up. And you're just the person who could do it.

Doctor: You know, I think he's waking up now.

[The Babe, the nurse, and the doctor join the boy at bedside.]

Doctor: [to the boy] Hey, little guy. You have a visitor.

Boy: Oh! It's the Babe! Wow!

Babe Ruth: Hiya, kid! How are ya?

Boy: Gee, you came to see me, Babe!

Doctor: [to the delighted nurse] I think it's helping already.

Babe Ruth: Here, kid. I brought you a present. [puts a Yankees cap on the boy's head] There ya go.

Boy: Gee! Thanks, Babe!

Babe Ruth: Well, we got a game against Cleveland this afternoon. I better be goin' to the stadium. Ah, take it easy, kid.

Nurse: Mr. Ruth, thank you so much for stopping by.

Doctor: Yes.

Boy: Hey, Babe! Could you do me a favor? [thinks better of it, changes his mind] Oh, no, I-I-I...

Babe Ruth: Sure, kid! What can I do for ya?

Boy: Well ... could you hit a home run just for me?

Doctor: Aw, come on, son. Mr. Ruth can't make promises like that.

Babe Ruth: Oh, naw, naw, naw, it's all right! I tell you what I'll do, kid! I'll knock one out of the park for ya, you promise me you'll pull through -- is that a deal?

Boy: [deliriously happy] It's a deal, it's a deal, yeah, it's a deal!

Babe Ruth: Okay, kid.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson who is picking Cracker Jack out of his teeth. He sees the camera is on and quickly resumes the narrative.]

O.J. Simpson: It was a perfect day for a ball game at Yankee Stadium. The Cleveland Indians didn't score off Ruffing in the first but the Yankees had a threat goin' with Lazzeri on first -- and up to the plate stepped the old Bambino himself.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the boy, wearing his Yankees cap, listens intently to a 1930s vintage radio at bedside.]

Radio Announcer: Two quick strikes on the Babe. The pitcher's in his wind up. The Babe swings and it's strike three!

Boy: Come on, Babe! Come on, Babe baby!

[The doctor and nurse look on with concern.]

Doctor: He'll get it the next time, maybe.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson who examines his Cracker Jack prize.]

O.J. Simpson: The Babe came up to bat again in the fourth inning. Holding the bat in his hand, he strode to the plate in his pigeon-toed, inimitable style. But, quickly, the drunken, overweight idol had two strikes on him.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the boy listens to the radio.]

Radio Announcer: An interesting story, sports fans. Before the game, the Babe told me that he promised a little boy who's dying in the hospital that he'd hit a home run for him today.

Boy: [stunned, to the radio] I'm dyin'?!

Radio Announcer: The wind-up and the pitch. Oops, it won't be this time at bat as the Babe takes strike three and the score remains Indians two and the Yankees nothing.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson and his prize.]

O.J. Simpson: Going into the eighth inning, it was still 2-0 Cleveland. The little boy was hanging on every pitch as it seemed his very health laid on the Babe's game. But the Babe struck out again and things began to look bleak going into the ninth inning.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the nurse and doctor stand over the semiconscious boy.]

Doctor: He's sinking fast. Do we have oxygen ready?

Nurse: Yes. I - I don't believe that the Babe would do this to him. Fat tub of lard! You know?

[The boy, mouth and eyes wide open in expectation, listens to the radio.]

Radio Announcer: Ah, there's two outs in the bottom of the ninth and, uh, Lazzeri must get on if the Babe is gonna have another chance at that home run for the little dying boy, of course. [The boy nods] Three-two count on Lazzeri. Here's the pitch and Lazzeri pops it up. Oh, no! This looks like it's the ball game. [The boy, devastated, begins to sink back into his pillow] No, it's dropped! He dropped the ball, ladies and gentleman! Lazzeri is safe at first and the Babe will have another shot at it. Holy cow!

[Delighted, the boy glances at the relieved doctor and nurse. The announcer continues under the following:]

Doctor: Nurse, uh, you'd better call his parents. [The nurse hurries off. The doctor turns to a nearby priest.] Father, you'd better stand by. We still might be needing you here.

Priest: Yes, of course.

[The doctor listens to the boy's heart with a stethoscope as the boy focuses on the radio, rising up off his pillow with the announcer's every word. The doctor and priest also get caught up in the game.]

Radio Announcer: Ruth steps up to the plate. The Babe digs in. He swings and it's a long fly ball! That baby is back there! It's back! It's curving ... FOUL!

[The boy quickly sinks back down. The doctor listens to his heart. The priest quietly reads the last rites.]

Radio Announcer: Next time you come by, bring my stomach, will ya? Well, this is it for Ruth if he's gonna keep his promise to that kid who's about to die, I guess. Here's the pitch. [Again, the boy is up off his pillow, rising with the announcer's every word] Ruth hits it far! That baby's back there! Back! Back! But it's curving, curving ... FOUL! [The boy sinks back again] Oh, brother! Holy cow! You can't help but wonder why the Babe is doing this, anyway. Well, the crowd's really pulling for the Sultan of Swat. They really want him to put one out. If only the whole crowd knew that this little kid's gonna die almost any second. Here's the pitch! [Again, the boy is up off his pillow, rising with the announcer's every word] The Babe swings! And it's a long fly ball to deep right field! The outfielder's drifting back, back! That ball is going ... going ... It is CAUGHT AT THE WALL! [The boy collapses and the doctor applies CPR.]

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson.]

O.J. Simpson: Well, that was the ball game. Maybe Babe tried to hit a home run that day and failed. Then again, maybe he forgot the promise he made to the little boy. And some even said that the Babe was drunk and didn't do it on purpose. I, being an athlete myself, frankly find that hard to believe. Whatever the true story was, though, it was yet another case of a white man breaking a promise to a poor little colored boy. [laughter and applause] But there is a moral-- But there is a moral to this story. Never underestimate the revenge of a black man. Because little Hank Aaron ... [audience gasps] ... came through and went on to break all of Babe Ruth's records anyway. Thanks for watching Great Moments in Sports!

[Applause and a grand finale of piano music as we dissolve to an image of O. J. looking as if he is planning a double murder.]

[ dissolve to audience wide shot, zoom in on man with SUPER: "Own Best Friend" ]

[ fade ]

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