Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 14

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

March 18th, 1978

Jill Clayburgh

Eddie Money



Don Novello

Tom Schiller

Rosie Shuster

Alan Zweibel

Anne Beatts

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Al Franken

Garrett Morris sings "Danny Boy"
Summary: This time, Garrett Morris writes the jokey scroll that appears on-screen as he sings an Irish ditty.


Jill Clayburgh's Monologue
Summary: Jill Clayburgh runs short on time while explaining how much more effort she's going to put into her monologue this time around.

First Hosted: 75o.


Royal Deluxe II
Summary: The vehicle that rides smooth enough to allow a rabbi to perform a circumcision in the back seat.

Note: Repeat from: 77a.

Olympia Cafe
Summary: A new waitress (Jill Clayburgh) finds the static menu choices annoying, while a female customer (Jane Curtin) tries to post a benefit sign for two little boys who swallowed a balloon.

Recurring Characters: Pete Dionasopolis, George Dionasopolis, Sandy Dionasopolis, Nico Dionasopolis, Mike Dionasopolis.


Sybil III
Summary: Ditzy psychoanalyst (Jill Clayburgh) thinks three women named Sybil (Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner, Laraine Newman) are actually one woman with three split personalities.

Recurring Characters: Colleen Fernman.


Bad One-Man Theater
Summary: Leonard Pinth-Garnell (Dan Aykroyd) presents the one-man play "An Evening With...", which actually consists of five actors performing rambling monologues simultaneously.

Recurring Characters: Leonard Pinth-Garnell, Steve Bushakis, Ronnie Bateman.

Eddie Money performs "Baby Hold On"

Summary: Mom (Jane Curtin) promotes the breakfast-on-the-go substitute,

Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan Aykroyd
Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna.

Everything's Blurry
Summary: On an airplane, a bespectacled woman (Jill Clayburgh) sits next to a proud man (John Belushi) who refuses to acknowledge his own vision problem.


Shower Mike
Summary: Richard Herkiman (Bill Murray) interrupts his wife, Jane's (Gilda Radner), shower to help rekindle the relationship of their neighbors Morty (John Belushi) and Judy Coony (Jill Clayburgh).

Recurring Characters: Richard Herkiman, Jane Herkiman.


The Coneheads On Earth
Summary: Prymaat (Jane Curtin) is incensed to discover that Beldar (Dan Aykroyd) has been having an affair with one of his driving students (Jill clayburgh).

Recurring Characters: Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead, Ronnie Getsetter.


Celebrity Crack-Up
Summary: Tony Orlando (Bill Murray), Roberty Blake (John Belushi), Richard Pryor (Garrett Morris), and Claudine Longet (Gilda Radner) relate their tales of cracking up to one another.

Recurring Characters: Robert Blake, Tony Orlando.

Eddie Money performs "Two Tickets to Paradise"

Summary: Jill Clayburgh sings a song about relationships.


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