Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 18














77r: Steve Martin / The Blues Brothers

Troff 'n' Brew

Bill.....Steve Martin
Male Co-Worker #1.....Bill Murray
Female Co-Worker.....Jane Curtin
Male Co-Worker #2.....Garrett Morris
Male Patron.....Tom Davis
Waitress #1.....Gilda Radner
Female Patron.....Rosie Shuster
Ray Swangen.....John Belushi
Ray's Friend.....Dan Aykroyd
Waitress #2.....Laraine Newman
Other Patrons.....Anne Beatts, Jim Downey, Brian Doyle-Murray, Al Franken, Mitchell Laurance, Tom Schiller

[ open on group of four co-workers approaching elevator ]

Bill: So... where are we going to take lunch?

Male Co-worker #1: For God's sake, let's pick someplace close by.

Female Co-worker: Well, there's Fujiwa.

Male Co-worker #2: No, no... Japanese food makes me sweat.

Female Co-worker: How about that Italian place?

Male Co-worker #1: I had Italian last night, if you don't mind.

Bill: How about that new place, the Troff 'n' Brew?

Female Co-worker: Oh, I don't know... I've been there once, and it was all right...

Bill: Come on! Let's go there! It's close by, they know me in there, it's got great lighting, great chili. Come on, let's go.

[ the elevator dings ]

Male Co-worker #1: I could use some chili.

[ they step into the elevator and grumble amongst themselves as the doors close ]

[ dissolve to the interior of the Troff 'n' Brew, Male Patron #1 leaning over a bucket drinking beer straight from the tap as Waitress #1 works the spigot. He then dunks his head into the bucket of beer. ]

[ slow pan across the chili trough, as various patrons lean over to eat their lunch, including Ray Swangen and his buddy ]

Ray's Buddy: Ray... I'll tell ya' -- I gotta go next week, and I gotta entertain Herb Cochran's wife, and I was wondering if you could get me some tickets for the Yankee-Red Sox game. It might give me the opportunity I've been looking for to, you know, take his temperature, saw off any old wounds.

Ray Swangen: Uhhhh -- no problem! I'll send a memo to, uh, to Doris, and I'll set it up. I'd like to have Herb Cock in my corner!

Ray's Buddy: Yeah. Absolutely.

[ Waitress #2 steps forward with a fresh bucket of chili ]

Waitress #2: Everything okay here?

Ray's Buddy: Yeah! It's good!

Waitress #2: Heads up! More chili!

[ she pours the chili out of the bucket and even scoops the bottom of the bucket by hand. Ray and his buddy lean over to eat the fresh chili. ]

[ Bill and his co-workers enter and grab their bibs ]

Male Co-worker #2: Hey! This place is really nice! Who owns these Troff 'n' Brews, anyway?

Female Co-worker: Somebody told me it's another Dining Associates chain. Six or seven of 'em just opened up in the city.

[ the two co-workers dig into the chili ]

Female Co-worker: This place isn't always crowded. It's good chili -- I have to be careful not to eat too much, though.

[ pan over to Bill and his fellow co-worker digging into the chili ]

Male Co-worker #1: You know... we had better send that Telex out to Detroit right after lunch. I'm gonna step over here to a brew basin and wash this down with some cold brewski.

Bill: Yeah, I could suck back some cold beer.

[ they walk over to the beer buckets ]

[ pan over to Ray and his buddy slurping beer from a bucket in the far corner ]

Ray's Buddy: Hey, Ray?

Ray Swangen: Yeah?

Ray's Buddy: Who's picking up the tab for this feast?

Ray Swangen: I'll do it. I'll sign in my company -- I'm known here. [ he looks up ] Hey, Waitress!

Waitress #1: [ stepping forward ] Yes, Sir!

Ray Swangen: Uh -- I'd like a tab. You know? Ray Swangen Industries.

Waitress #1: Uh, yeah -- how many heads?

Ray Swangen: Two.

Waitress #1: Two head! Alright. Sign here. [ Ray signs the tab ] Thank you!

Ray's Buddy: Ah, beautiful! Thanks a lot, Ray! I'll get you next week.

Ray Swangen: Ah, whatever.

[ they continue to sip beer from the bucket, as an announcement comes over ]

P.A. V/O: The Troff 'n' Brew is closing for a one half-hour hosedown. Please stop feeding, pay your check, and LEAVE by the MAIN exit present!

[ Waitress #2 begins hosing off patrons' faces ]

P.A. V/O: Please deposit your bibs in the Bib Bin and head to the MAIN exit! One half-hour hosedown --

[ patrons corral toward the exit like cattle, and make just as much noise in the process ]

[ pan upward into the audience, where one man peers over the balcony onto the stage with great interest ]

[ the camera zooms onto the woman seated next to him, with SUPER: "Looked Better In Ticket Line" ]

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts