Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 7







78g: Walter Matthau

Programming Ideas

Fred Silverman.....John Belushi
Barbara.....Gilda Radner

[ open on Fred Silverman standing exasperated before a chart featuring NBC's and ABC's programming schedule ]

Barbara: [ entering with a bowl of food ] Come on now, Mr. Silverman -- you haven't eaten anything for days. Now, eatyour apple sauce. [ she holds up the spoon ] Come on, Freddy! [ he resists ] Freddyyyy. Open your -- come on, Freddy! [ he takes a bite ] There you go, that's good! There you go.

Fred Silverman: NINE shows, Barbara! I can't believe that I had to cancel NINE shows! And they were TERRIBLE shows! I don't understand how they failed. They were TERRIBLE! Shows JUST as bad as these, which were BIG hits as ABC! [ he points to his board ] "Grandpa Goes to Washington"."Muttonchop". I don't understnad it! People didn't like it.

Barbara: Well, "Lifeline" was a good show.

Fred Silverman: Sure, I expected that to fail, though. What about... "David Cassidy: Man Undercover"? Now, THAT was a stupid show! It was badly written... I don't know why it didn't make it. Now, maybe we had someone even worse than David Cassidy... I got it! [ he snaps his fingers ] What do you think of this? "Donny Osmond: Man Undercover".

Barbara: Oh, I don't like it at all!

Fred Silverman: You don't?

Barbara: No! In fact, I HATE it!

Fred Silverman: So do I! Make out a card.

Barbara: Right. [ she writes it down and puts it up on the board ]

Fred Silverman: Now, I'm just wondering what to do on Tuesdy night here, where "Eddie Capra Mysteries" were. Let's see, at 8 o'clock I got, uh... "B.J. and the Bear".

Barbara: Right.

Fred Silverman: At ten, I've got "Mrs. Columbo"... "Runaway Truck Driver"... a cop show. What can we put in between...?

Barbara: Uh... how about a show called "Road Block"?

Fred Silverman: [ thinking ] That's TERRIBLE! Make out a card.

Barbara: Right. [ she writes it down and puts it on the board ] You know... I don't mean to say anything, Mr. Silverman, but, looking ovr the board here, I mean... maybe we're underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

Fred Silverman: You're... fired!

Barbara: Fired?

Fred Silverman: Yes. You'll never work at this network again.

Barbara: Alright, Mr. Silverman... Mr. Programming Genius. [ she grabs him by the tie ] There's just ONE thing I'd like to say to you before I leave! [ she turns to face the camera ] "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


SNL Transcripts