78h: Eric Idle / Kate Bush
What Do You?
Host ... Eric Idle
Lord Lupus ... Tom Schiller
Deaconess of Detroit ... Gilda Radner
[SIGN reads WHAT DO YOU -- the word "DO" has a
bull's-eye painted in the letter O. As innocuous game
show music plays, we pull back and pan down to reveal
a game show set with a host and two cheerful
contestants. The fast-talking host, in a garish plaid
suit, addresses the camera, his lengthy spiel
punctuated by appropriate sound effects.]
Host: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to another edition of "What Do You [cuckoo]?"
-- a new game show loosely based on all the old game
shows. The rules are very simple. Each week, we shall
ask a team of two personalities -- Lord Lupus
Lord Lupus: Hello.
Host: ... and the Deaconess of Detroit
Host: ... a series of questions in either
[bell] category, [buzzer] category, or special
category [gunshot]. If they get it right, they get a
[horn, shave-and-a-haircut]. And if they get the wrong
answer, they get a [raspberry] from the studio
At the end of the contest, they will hear this --
[prizefight bell] -- and they must stop immediately.
At any point in the proceedings they may be given a
[deep buzzer] which means they can ask for another
question. Or if they hear a [alarm bell] -- it's the
When they want to interrupt a [multiple bells]
question or a [buzzer] question but not a [gunshot]
question, they must press their special buttons. Lord
Lupus, will you press yours?
[Lord Lupus presses his button and we hear Goofy Tune
And, Deaconess, yours.
[The Deaconess presses her button and we hear Goofy
If they get it right, they get fifteen points on the
scoreboards here, four letters on the blackboard for
each correct part, and a shot from our Mystery Gunner.
[As we hear the sound of an arrow flying through the
air and making a springboard sound, the host watches
an actual arrow fired into the bull's-eye of the
game's sign overhead. Close shot of the arrow sticking
out of the sign.]
Like so. In the event of a tie, I shall start the
clock. [starts the clock which ticks loudly] Like so.
[stops clock] And there will be a choice of either a
[horn, shave-and-a-haircut] or a [raspberry] for the
first of either the [Goofy Tune #1] contestant or the
[Goofy Tune #2] contestant who can make the Golden
Word "Birmingham" from his four letters.
And he will get a [crowd cheer] -- which means that
he's this week's winner.
Right. Well, those, very simply, are the rules. We'll
be back again same time next week. Till then, good-bye
from Lord Lupus.
Lord Lupus: Goodbye!
Host: And from the Deaconess of
Host: And, from me, it's [cymbal crash plus
Goofy Tune #3 with slide whistle as the host is shot
in the belly with an arrow and falls backward in his
[Zoom in on the show's sign, then dissolve to a wider
shot of the set, cameras, applauding audience, etc.
SUPER: did you know .... The Computer Invented