Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 13

78m: Kate Jackson / Delbert McClinton

Fred Silverman III

Fred Silverman.....John Belushi
.....Garrett Morris
.....Kate Jackson

[HOLD on Silverman and Garrett standing side by side just offstage and nodding at Andy Kaufman passing by them.]

Garrett: [shakes head] Like, I, I, I, I donít know, Mr. Silverman. ďSuper LimoĒ? Like, like, whatís it about, uhhhh...

Freddy: Well, weíre pretty happy with it, Garrett, uh... [rubs his hands together] ďSuper Limo.Ē Itís a, itís a BIG limousine, so big it takes up two sides of the highway.

Garrett: Oh, well, I, I, I donít know, man...

Freddy: Youíre the DRIVER. Every week, you drive three celebrities around Hollywood. And they entertain you because they LOVE you!

Garrett: What kind of celebrities?

Freddy: Whoís ever HOT. One week it might be Steve Lawrence, Don Meredith, Charles Nelson Reilly... Another week it could be Arte Johnson, Ruth Buzzi, JoAnne Worley... you know? A THEME show.

Garrett: Uh, yeah, let me, I, I, Iíll think it over.

Freddy: [puts a hand around Garrettís neck] Really, Garrett. [quietly] This is a HOT idea.

Garrett: Yeah.

Freddy: [puts hand over his heart] I give you my word as a television executive.

Garrett: [clasps Freddyís hand] Well, uh, thank you, Mr. Silverman, thank you. Iíve got to be going. [walks past him]

Freddy: Iíll call you.

Garrett: [off camera] Yeah, Iíll check you out, man.

[Freddy straightens his suit for a second, and then Kate Jackson appears to his left.]

Kate: Hey, Freddy.

Freddy: Kate, howís it going?

Kate: Well, you know, itís not going too bad.

Freddy: Did you talk to Laraine about the, uh, ďMrs. KojakĒ?

Kate: Yeah, wonít shave her head.

Freddy: [frustrated] Yeah, well, Gilda will do it.

Kate: Uh, Freddy, I think Iíd better level with you. Um... I like these people, Iím having a lot of fun working with them, and uh... well, you know, theyíre like people you can admire, and theyíre dedicated to an ideal of artistic freedom, and when I see the way they work, and the sacrifices they make, well, I feel ashamed, you know? They donít have big houses with swimming pools and tennis courts, and they donít have fancy apartments, and big, big limos, and cooks.

Freddy: Really?

Kate: No!

Freddy: Not even John Belushi?

Kate: Oh, JOHN does.

[laughter and applause]

Kate: If you could see the dedication of the others! I mean, you know, Freddy, they do this for NOTHING, Ďcause they wanna make America laugh!

Freddy: [scoffing] Mm-hmm.

Kate: Really, now, after spending this time with them, I just... well, I donít think I can betray them, I really donít, and, uh... [works up her courage] And furthermore, Freddy, I canít go back to ďCharlieís Angels,Ē I canít go back to prime time, Iíve got to do something NEW, and something BOLD, and--

[Freddy slaps her across the face.]

Freddy: [points at her] Donít you EVER say that about prime time again!

[subdued laughter]

Kate: Thank you, Freddy, you know... [puts a hand around his neck] You know, for a minute, I really lost control there, didnít I! [She lingers a moment and then turns to go.]

Freddy: Kate!

Kate: I--

[She stops in mid-motion.]

Freddy: [staring into space] Wait a minute.

Kate: What?

Freddy: [passionately] Maybe Iím wrong. Maybe IíM the one... who lost his head. [presses a fist against his mouth] Something you said got me thinking. You said something about artistic freedom. Perhaps thatís important. Perhaps thereís a, a place in commercial television for QUALITY, for, for intelligently conceived, well acted, INVENTIVE programming! Programs that arenít written for the lowest common denominator! [clenches fist] And NBC could lead the WAY! NBC could be the NETWORK that puts these programs on the air!

[They stare at each other for a moment.]

Freddy and Kate: [in unison] Naaaaaaaaah.

[The band starts to play as the audience applauds and the two talk inaudibly. FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Sean

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