78q: Milton Berle / Ornette Coleman

Rock Concert

Don Kirshner ... Paul Shaffer
Karen Kirshner ... Gilda Radner
Cop ... Garrett Morris
Indian ... John Belushi
Biker ... Dan Aykroyd
Construction Worker ... Bill Murray

[Pop music impresario Don Kirshner sits in a TV control room, woodenly reading off cue cards, addressing the camera.]

Don Kirshner: I'm Don Kirshner and welcome to Rock Concert. I first met the Village Persons two years ago when their lead singer, Lyle Manning, provided the floral arrangements for my daughter Karen's bas mitzvah. Today, thanks to the brilliant disco production of Giorgio Morali and to their manager Maury Mineo, they have become a vibrant force in the music industry. Now, to introduce them from the perspective of a young person who can enjoy their music without understanding its homosexual connotations, here is my daughter, Karen Kirshner.

[Applause for Karen Kirshner who enters and sits next to Don -- she, too, reads the cue cards woodenly, sounding exactly like her father.]

Karen Kirshner: I first saw the Village Persons perform at L.A.'s famed Roxy Theater where they debuted their hit single "Health Club Man." Tonight, thanks to my good friend Herb Karp at Polysutra Records, they're here to perform their new hit, "Bend Over, Chuck Berry." Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome The Village Persons.

[Applause. Disco music begins. Dissolve to a mirrored chandelier and pan down to reveal a glittering disco set where the Village Persons gyrate to the beat: a native American Indian in full tribal regalia, a construction worker, a biker in leather with a thick mustache, a sailor, a cowboy and the wildly intense, energetic lead singer, a uniformed cop.]

The Village Persons:
Bend over ... Bend over and over
Bend over and over and over
Bend over and over and over

Cop:
I went down to the disco to make it with my local deejay
Well, he looks so good in leather and he knows which records to play
Well, I walked right up to him but I didn't know what to say
Uh huh!
Well, he told me he was macho and he worked out down at the gym
Ha ha! Yeah!

The Village Persons: Bend over, over and over

Cop: I said, hey, look, you're the boss and the turntable started to spin

The Village Persons: Bend over, over and over

Cop: And before too long I was really gettin' in to him

The Village Persons:
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Bend over, Chuck Berry
Put your guitar away
'Cause they're playin' disco music
From New York to L.A.

Cop: Not to mention Philadelphia, P-A.

The Village Persons:
Take a look around you
There's no more rock and roll today
So bend over, Chuck Berry
Disco is here to stay

The Village Persons: [posing provocatively]
Bend over ... Bend over and over
Bend over and over and over

Cop:
... Yeah!
So the next time you're lonely and you're crawling on your hands and knees

The Village Persons: Bend over, over and over

Cop: And you're checkin' out each young man to find out where he wears his keys

The Village Persons: Bend over, over and over

Cop: Come on down to the disco where the deejays aim to please

The Village Persons:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Bend over, Chuck Berry
Put your guitar away
'Cause they're playin' disco music
From New York to L.A.

Cop: The places goin' down in 'Frisco Bay.

The Village Persons:
Take a look around you
There's no more rock and roll today

Cop: Do you hear me, man? Bend over!

The Village Persons: So bend over, Chuck Berry

Cop: What would Little Richard say?

The Village Persons: Hey!

[Song ends. Dancers stop. Applause.]


Submitted Anonymously