Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 17





78q: Milton Berle / Ornette Coleman

Texaco Star Theatre

... Bill Murray
... John Belushi
... Dan Aykroyd
... Garrett Morris

[In honor of host Milton Berle, SNL recreates the opening to his early TV series "Texaco Star Theatre" in glorious black-and-white: Wailing siren. Clanging bell. Theme music. Fade in on a proscenium arch with a curtain reading: TEXACO STAR THEATRE. The curtain rises to reveal a second curtain reading: Starring MILTON BERLE. This curtain rises to reveal the four male cast members lined up on a stage, marching in place, dressed as 1950s-era service station employees (complete with caps and bow ties), singing:]

All:
Oh, we're the men of Texaco
We work from Maine to Mexico
There's nothing like this Texaco of ours
Our show tonight is powerful
We'll wow you with an hour full
Of howls from a showerful of stars
We're the merry Texaco men
Tonight we may be showmen
Tomorrow we'll be servicing your cars

Bill Murray: [with rag and hub cap]
I wipe the pump
I pump the gas
I rub the hub
I scrub the glass

John Belushi: [with gas nozzle]
I touch the clutch
I mop the top
I poke the choke
I sell the pop

Dan Aykroyd: [with a large wrench]
I clear the gear
I block the knock
I jack the back
I set the clock

Garrett Morris:
I slash the top
I pick the lock
I take your car
Around the block
I drive it fast
I smoke some grass
If you don't like it
Kiss my--

All:
Sky Chief! Fill up with Sky Chief!
And you will smile at the pile of new miles you will add
Fire Chief! Fill up with Fire Chief!
You'll find that Texaco's the finest brand your car has ever had


[Music ends. Drum roll.]

Bill Murray: And now, ladies and gentlemen ...

All: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!


Submitted Anonymously


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