Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 5: Episode 3

79c: Bill Russell / Chicago

Bill Russell's Monologue

.....Bill Russell

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Bill Russell!

Bill Russell: Thank you! You know, it's really a pleasure for me being here tonight, because I'm hosting my favorite show -- "Saturday Night Live". [ the audience cheers ] And, you know, I've been here all week. This may be live, but it's not unrehearsed. Uh -- I've been here all week, and I've watched them put the show together, and what it's all about... is teamwork. In fact, a successful television show is not that different from a successful basketball team -- everyone has to work together to make the best show possible. Yuo see, the writers -- they bring up these ideas, and they pass them on to the producers... and they hand them off to the director... and then they pass it back to the actors, and they try to score points with them. But, uh -- like any team... you GOT to have the guy in the middle. The big fellow! The money man! Well, see, on show... that guy is.. the host [ he points to himself, as the audience cheers ] If the host is on... then the show is dynamite. But if the host has a bad night... this show goes in the toilet. [ he smiles ]

Well, I'm gonna tell you how I feel tonight. This is gonna be the BEST comedy show... I've ever done! So, if you into betting... take this show and give 5 points. And we'll be right back.

SNL Transcripts