Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 5: Episode 4












79d: Buck Henry / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Buck Henry's Monologue

.....Buck Henry

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Buck Henry!

[ Buck Henry enters Home Base, which is surrounded by guards in pith helmets ]

Buck Henry: Thank you! Thank you, thank you all very much! You should SEE them down there! I mean, it's just incredible! As always, it's a GREAT pleasure to host my favorite show -- "Saturday Night Live". And, you know, I'm often asked why I like hosting this show so much. I mean, after all, this is, I think, my TWELFTH time... and the answer to that question isn't easy. One: It's because I LOVE the people here --

Voice in the Audience: YOU STINK!!

Buck Henry: Exactly! It's just -- it's like a family! It's like a wonderful family, every time I come here. Uh -- it's just -- I just feel --

Voice in the Audience: YOU'RE THE WORST!!

Buck Henry: [ nodding ] They yell at me, they try to touch me, it's just -- it's a wonderful thing! In fact, I've become so recognizable from this show, that I've grown this beard... [ he rubs his beard ] to attempt a certain anonymity so that, uh, you know, so that people everywhere can --

[ a protestor rushes the stage, as the guards swarm on him ]

Protestor: LISTEN, YOU UNTALENTED... YOU STINK!!

[ the guards drag the protestor out of the studio ]

Buck Henry: No, not autographs now! Autographs later! It's okay. I don't know, I -- I enjoy my life without the incessant disturbance of an audience, and it's not that --

Voice in the Audience: GET OFF!!

Buck Henry: It's not that I'm ungrateful -- thank you, mind you. It's just that this show has actually made a career for me. Everyone who is associated with this show, as you know, has achieved a kind of, uh, stardom. And, uh, in all modesty, I have to say I can't go out in public any more without causing a commotion. I -- I can almost, as I'm sure you can, feel the love from that crowd --

[ cut to the crowd of protestors outside the studio, now starting to burn Buck in effigy ]

Buck Henry V/O: Feel them trying to get near me, trying to touch me, trying to get, uh, I don't know, I suppose to share, in some sense, the feeling that I am someplace they want to be.

[ return to Home Base ]

Buck Henry: And if by touching me and experiencing what I'm experiencing, they join me in this kind of -- they're CRAZY about me! They don't leave me alone for a second. And I want to thank you all for sharing in that same feeling, and we'll be RIGHT back!


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