Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 5: Episode 12
February 23rd, 1980
Sam & Dave
Kirk's Dressing Room
: Gilda Radner brings her Aunt Margie backstage to meet the real Kirk Douglas, who's not as he appears in the movies.
Kirk Douglas' Monologue
: Kirk Douglas introduces his biggest fan in the audience -- his goddaughter, Alexandra.
: Spartacus (Kirk Douglas).
: Micro-dentists team (Kirk Douglas, Bill Murray, Laraine Newman) shrink their size so they can fix Anwar Sadat's (Garrett Morris) teeth and battle Taste Buds.
: Anwar Sadat.
Sam & Dave performs "You Don't Know Like I Know"
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill Murray
: Ronald Reagan (Harry Shearer) demonstrates some off-color jokes in his new commercial. Al Franken wants to reinstate the draft so he won't have to go to war.
: Ronald Reagan.
: A drunken Nick Collins (Bill Murray) performs at the Lieberman bar mitzvah.
: Nick the Lounge Singer.
Prime Time Saturday
: Tom Snyder (Harry Shearer) interviews the brothers of Republican Party candidates.
: Tom Snyder.
Kirk's Greatest Kirks
: Kirk Douglas does impressions of the people who do impressions of him.
: In "Mask of Fear", a tense breaking-and-entering episode turns into an afternoon of skiing.
Sam & Dave perform "Soul Man"
: Sardi's bathroom attendant (Gilda Radner) asks Kirk Douglas for his autograph.