Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 5: Episode 16










79p: Burt Reynolds / Anne Murray

Burt Reynolds' Monologue

.....Burt Reynolds

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- Burt Reynolds!

[ Cheers and applause from audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you! I know! I have to live with it every day. I like this week. I, uh, had a great time working with these people. The cast, the crew… As I was hanging out backstage, there’s no temperament, no hostility, no open nasal passages…

[ Big laughter from audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Uh, no open nasal passages. I know sometimes when you see a movie star, you know, up close, it’s a little shattering. Because they’re bigger than life, and you see them on screen -- it’s all big. Their head’s big, shoulders big, it’s all big, you know? And here? I’m a small person, see? So, maybe, I figured I just come down here and talk to some of you all. You know what I mean?

[ Burt steps on the home base platform and takes a seat on it. He points his finger to the front audience. ]

Burt Reynolds: Come here. Yeah, come here…

Henry (V/O): Hi.

Burt Reynolds: Hi. Sit down.

[HENRY, a young male audience member, takes a seat next to Burt. ]

Burt Reynolds: What’s your name?

Henry: Henry.

Burt Reynolds: Henry?

[ Burt rolls up his sleeves. ]

Henry: Go Gators.

Burt Reynolds: Go Gators?

Henry: Go Gators!

Burt Reynolds: Henry, I didn’t bring you up here to do any of that kind of crap.

[ Burt places his hand on Henry’s shoulder. ]

Burt Reynolds: We’re just going to do a little bit, okay? Who’s, uh, who’s your favorite movie star?

[ Henry takes a moment. ]

Henry: Uh… Burt Reynolds.

[ Burt stares at Henry for a moment then kisses him on the cheek. ]

Burt Reynolds: You know it’s funny? When I was looking over there at you Henry, you know, you didn’t have a real intelligent look about you. You now got brains coming out at you. You know what I mean?

[ Henry nods and grins. ]

Burt Reynolds: You know, let’s stop talking about me and talk about my movies. Okay? Which one you like the best?

Henry: Um… I didn’t see too many of them. Uh…

Burt Reynolds: Let me see if I can help you out. Cars? Cars jumping over…

Henry: Fences?

Burt Reynolds: Fences! And over bridges…

Henry: “They Turn Styles”?

Burt Reynolds: Henry, you’re sick! I’ll give you the first part of the picture -- “Smokey and the…”

Henry: Cowboy?

Burt Reynolds: Smokey means something else to you, doesn’t it, Henry?

[ Henry nods and grins. ]

Burt Reynolds: “Deliverance”. Did you see “Deliverance”?

Henry: The dueling banjos? Yeah! That scene was great. It was good.

Burt Reynolds: The banjos? You know, I was in the picture? I was in there with the dueling banjos. Are you married, Henry?

Henry: No.

Burt Reynolds: Fool around?

Henry: I can’t say that on TV.

Burt Reynolds: You can. You can say it. Say “fooling around” on television.

Henry: Fooling around -- yes!

Burt Reynolds: You fool around? A lot?

Henry: No, I can’t really do it that much.

Burt Reynolds: Yeah? That’s why your face is so clean.

[ Burt strokes Henry’s left cheek. ]

Burt Reynolds: We’re going, uh, go on now -- do the rest of the show -- but I’m going keep talking to you because I like you. I got into show business when I first saw Elizabeth Taylor…

[ The camera zooms out as the audience applauds. Burt chats with Henry for a few moments; they shake hands, hug, and Henry returns to his seat. ]

END


Submitted by: Cody Downs


SNL Transcripts




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