80d: Jamie Lee Curtis / James Brown, Ellen Shipley
Paulie Herman....Joe Piscopo
Black Hustler....Eddie Murphy
[Opens with a bus terminal. Fast-talking black hustler
is paying 3 card monte on top of a box. 2 guys are
watching him shuffle the 3 cards]
Black Hustler: Ok, it's in the bank, Frank, no tax,
Max. Here we go, round and round we go, where she
stops nobody knows. Come on, let's play the game. [guy
points at the card]Black card! Sorry, man. You
lose.[takes money, guy leaves] Sorry about that, it's
all right, put your money down,[shuffles cards] don't
go wasting my time, here we go, round and round we go
where-- Which card you want? Is this the card you
want?! Black card! Sorry, my man. That's it! [ 2nd guy
leaves] Hey, come on, man. Let's play some more. Hey, come on back, man!
[Nerdy Paulie Herman walks in, strange frown on his
face, over the black hustler's shoulder]
Paulie Herman: Hey, come on back, man! Come on back!
What are you doing?
Black Hustler: I'm makin'money, man. You wanna make
some money, jack?
Paulie Herman: Oh, I love to but I gotta catch my bus.
Black Hustler: Say, man, you got plenty of time. Your
bus ain't gonna come for a while. Where you live anyway?
Paulie Herman: I'm from Jersey! Ha!,ha!,ha!,ha! Are
you from Jersey? Ha!,ha!, ha!,ha! I'm from Jersey!
Black Hustler: No, baby, I'm from New York City.
Paulie Herman: New York! Wow! [sings]"Start spreading
the news / I'm leaving today..."
Black Hustler: Say, look man, You wanna make some money or what?
Paulie Herman: Oh, I don't know. I am doing quite well
at the plant right now what with my pension plan and
the dental plan and the blue cross and the blue
shield, I'll get my free prescriptions next year...
Black Hustler: No, man, I'll make you some big bucks, man!
Paulie Herman: Wow, hey, that sounds like fun!
[Hustler senses an easy mark]
Black Hustler: It is fun and easy too.
Paulie Herman: Yeah.
Black Hustler: I'll play this game called "3 card monte".
Paulie Herman: Yeah?
Black Hustler: You understand what I'm saying?
Paulie Herman: No.
Black Hustler: Well, look here. I got this 3 cards
here. One of them is red, right?
Paulie Herman: One of them is red....
Black Hustler: Two of them are black. Gonna mix 'em
up. You find the red card, win some money.
Paulie Herman: Ok.
Black Hustler: Here we go, [shuffles the 3 cards]round
and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows, find
the card, here we go, luck be a lady---here we go,
whatcha gonna do?, here we go, boom!
[Stops shuffling, Paulie looks down at the cards]
Paulie Herman: What?
Black Hustler: I said find the red card.
Paulie Herman:[picks up the right card easily] It's right here.
Black Hustler: Now we're gonna play for real money.
Here we go, round and round....
[A cop appears, black hustler hides behind Paulie]
Cop: All right, fellas. What's going on here?
Paulie Herman: Oh, we're playing cards officer. You wanna play?
Cop: No. You boys from around here?
Paulie Herman: Well, I'm from Jersey! Ha!, ha!,
ha!,ha!,ha!. Are you from Jersey?
Cop: No, not hardly. How about you? Where you from?
Black Hustler: I'm from Jersey. Are you from Jersey?
Paulie Herman: I thought you said you're from New York.
Black Hustler:[nervous]Oh, yeah. New York, New Jersey,
same thing, metropolitan area.
Cop: Well, if you boys are from New Jersey you best be
getting on your bus, now get goin'.
Paulie Herman: Oh, yes sir, officer. Right away. Here we go.
Black Hustler: Say man, we were lucky.
Paulie Herman: Lucky, huh? Hey, [sings]"Luck be lady tonight..."
Black Hustler: Look, please, don't sing no mo', if you
gonna sing, sing something hip like James Brown or something.
Paulie Herman: Oh, James Brown, terrific football
player. I didn't know he could sing! Yeah, great actor
too, I especially enjoyed him in "Chips" last year
where he did that roller skating segment with Fred Williamson.
Black Hustler: Oh, man...[picks up his box and cards]
Paulie Herman: Of course, you're well aware of his
classic film "Tick Tick Tick"....
Black Hustler: Just get away from me, man.
Paulie Herman: Of course.....
[Black Hustler goes out the bus terminal with Paulie
behind him jabbering away nonstop]
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel